Dealing with Grief Anxiety Simply and Effectively

Dealing with Grief

Grief is a perfectly natural emotion. All of us deal with loss inevitably. At its least, grief can cause sorrow and mourning. At its worst, it can be completely debilitating. Don’t give up. You can deal with your extended grief in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

Please don’t interpret anything in this article as being critical for feeling loss over the death of someone you love. It is both natural and necessary to work through the loss with friends, other loved ones, and by recalling cherished memories. We each deal with and express our grief in different ways.

And there is no attempt here to set a normal duration for grief. I’ve been grieving over one loss in our family for years now. I still feel the loss, but I also enjoy the memories and the joys of that relationship for so many years.

That form of grief is valid and it is not debilitating. It may bring tears; but the sad moment is gently put aside and life goes on.

On the other hand, grief can also render us incapable of any rational action, reasoned judgments, and make it impossible to enjoy on-going relationships. That sort of grief is harmful if it continues too long.

Common to most grief is a thought about what we lost. That could properly continue for many years. When we let those thoughts lead us to a period of reflection before putting them aside, that is a healthy response.

If we let those thoughts lead us to anxiety about other possible losses, becoming overwhelmed by depression, or being incapable of dealing with the required daily routine of life, we need to do something about it.

In a moment, you’ll see a very simple process you can use as often as you like to overcome your extended grief. Because I don’t want to leave you upset, I’m going to tell you about it and then direct you to try it – after you know what to expect.

Each moment of grief is initiated by a thought. If we dwell on the thought, it may be so intense that we seem to be reliving the actual loss again.

If you’re dealing with extended grief in your life these days, right now I want you to pause and think about your loss. But DON’T dwell on it. Immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that now.” If it recurs, say it again.

You’ll soon discover that the debilitating thought will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away.

You can deal with your extended grief so simply that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the thoughts that lead extended grief is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not think about that right now." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you grief anxiety, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like dwelling on thoughts that make you grieve. The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of grief.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking negative thoughts that lead to grief anxiety because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind control your negative thinking for you before you even consciously think about it.

Resources you can use

Take 3 minutes to learn more about handling your grief simply and effectively.

Check it out - http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r005

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you as well as grief anxiety.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you with your grief anxiety as much as it helped me with my anger problem.



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

How to Quit Smoking Simply and Effectively Today!

Quit Smoking Today

Smoking is a psychological issue wherein the mind commands the physical state to crave nicotine, the addictive content of cigarettes. In order to break the habit, it is necessary that you deal with the problem as a psychological issue. Since the smoking problem begins in the mind, it follows that the solution is also in the mind. You can learn how to stop smoking in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

You must want to stop smoking. No amount of effort will succeed if you don’t really want to break the habit of smoking.

Be assured, it is a habit. The habit of smoking can be broken while at the same time you are creating a habit of not smoking.

It will be helpful for you to visualize both habits. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. On the left, list the negative aspects of smoking. Be sure to include the health issues, the cost, the social issues and anything else you perceive as a negative.

On the right, list all the benefits of not smoking. Be generous to yourself. You’re painting a word picture of life vastly different than you've been experiencing. This list lets you visualize your goal of not smoking. This is your personal picture. Nobody can tell you what to put here.

Smoking is an emotional issue. We smoke to give ourselves rewards. We smoke to calm our nerves. We smoke to stay busy. We smoke to occupy our hands when we can’t think of anything to do. We smoke to punish ourselves. We smoke because it gains us some attention. We smoke because our society may consider it “cool” in some cases.

Smoking is triggered by thoughts that are always harmful to you. If we give in to the thoughts, they will harm us. We need calming; we need to be rewarded; we need to do something. Before smoking becomes debilitating we need to do something about it. There is a direct link between smoking and diabetes, smoking and heart attacks, smoking and strokes – and any of those can kill you.

So agree with me that smoking is triggered by thoughts. Check it out for yourself. What is the first thing you do before reaching for a cigarette? You THINK, “That looks good;” or “I need that.” You do this time and again every day and it’s even worse at night!

So, when thoughts are harmful to us, the answer is simple: DON’T think those thoughts!

The next time any thought regarding smoking pops into your mind, I want you to immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again.

Your mind will insist on a smoke – craving. Your response is “I’m not going to think about that.”

You may find yourself in situations where others are smoking. Your response is “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll discover that the negative thoughts will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away by saying, “I’m not going to think about that.”

This solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control harmful thinking is to say to yourself out loud, "I will not think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought is harmful to you, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

The withdrawal symptoms will last typically from 3 to 5 days and probably will be less serious than a bad cold or the flu. The symptoms won’t be an issue unless you allow yourself to dwell on them. When you begin to think “Woe is me,” simply say to yourself, out loud, “I choose not to think about that.”

When you have the urge to smoke, sip a bottle of water or a cup of tea to give yourself something to do. Don’t eat to keep your hands busy or you may be needing help with your weight. Stopping smoking does not make you gain weight; eating food to keep your hands busy or to mask the withdrawal symptoms WILL make you gain weight.

As a bonus, allow yourself to be a little proud of yourself every time take command of your harmful thinking. But don't beat up all your friends with your pride, okay?

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind control your desire to smoke for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

For more comprehensive help in stopping smoking simply and effectively, take 3 minutes to learn more - http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r036

You can also use this information for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you with your smoking as much as it helped me with my anger and weight problems.



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Dealing with Obesity Simply and Effectively

Obesity is killing us right and left. Fads come and go. Resolutions are made and broken. You can lose weight in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

Not an eating problem

Obesity is not an eating problem. Obesity is an emotional problem. We eat to give ourselves rewards. We eat to calm our nerves. We eat to stay busy. We eat to occupy our hands when we can’t think of anything to do. We eat to punish ourselves. We eat because it gains us some attention. We eat because our society equates big with healthy in some cases. The kids love fast food; therefore I’m a good parent because I give them what makes them happy.

Obesity is triggered by thoughts that are harmful to you. We need calming; we need to be rewarded; we need to do something. Before obesity becomes debilitating we need to do something about it. There is a direct link between obesity and diabetes, obesity and heart attacks, obesity and strokes – and any of those can kill you.

So agree with me that obesity is triggered by thoughts. Check it out for yourself. What is the first thing you do before grabbing a bag of chips or a soft drink? You THINK, “That looks good;” or “I need that (whatever).” You do this time and again throughout your day and the fat builds up and up and up!

So, when thoughts are harmful to us, the answer is simple: DON’T think those thoughts!

The next time the desire to eat something pops into your mind, I want you to immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again.

I think you’ll discover that the negative thought will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away.

This solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control harmful thinking is to say to yourself out loud, "I will not to think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the innate authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought is harmful to you, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Three Simple Rules

Let me share three simple rules that you can use to teach your subconscious to help you even more to deal with your obesity:

1. When you’re tempted to step on the scale (another thought), say out loud to yourself, “I only weigh myself once a week.” Set a time that’s convenient, say Sunday morning before you dress for church. If you think about weighing yourself any other time, say “I only weigh myself once a week.” This will keep you from being discouraged on the days when you don’t show any weight loss.
2. If you are hungry, you must eat. Say to yourself, out loud, whenever it crosses your mind (but at least several times a day), “I eat when I’m hungry and no other time.” But you must be honest with yourself. There’s a difference in true hunger and simply wanting to eat something. If you ate a meal an hour ago, it is not logical that you are hungry again. Use this rule as often as required.
3. If the family is sitting down to eat or you’re going out with friends and you’re not hungry, get yourself a cup of tea or a flavored beverage and enjoy the company. Don’t let well-meaning people coerce you into eating with them. Say, “I’m really not hungry and when I’m not hungry, I do not eat anything at all, regardless of when or where I am.” Be kind; be cordial; but be firm with your friends and with yourself. When you have the urge to eat and you know that you’re not hungry, you can drink a bottle of water or a cup of tea to ease the desire to eat.

Say these three rules to yourself, out loud, several times a day. Before long, your subconscious will be dealing with your thoughts of eating automatically.

Be Proud

Don’t give in to the temptation to try helper fads. Rule 1 keeps you from discouragement. Rule 2 assures that you’re getting enough food for good health, and rule 3 lets you enjoy life with family and friends without feeling guilty. You don’t need anything else to help you. You’re capable of doing this all by yourself by teaching your subconscious to work with you.

As a bonus, allow yourself to be a little proud of yourself every time you use the rules.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind control your impulse eating for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

If you could deal with obesity simply and effectively, would you take 3 minutes to learn more? Check it out - http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r035

You can also use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you. I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much as it helped me with my anger and weight problems.



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Deal With Your Anger Simply and Effectively

Summary

Anger is destructive.  Your anger can kill you; not to mention destroy all your important relationships. You can deal with your anger in a way that is far more simple and far more effective than anything you've tried before.

Anger can hurt you physically as much as it can hurt you emotionally. Prolonged anger can cause dangerous increases in hormone levels, blood pressure, and it can cause damage to internal organs. Some studies indicate that anger can increase the likelihood of heart attacks and strokes.

Anger can become addictive in that it produces a sort of "adrenalin thrill" somewhat like you can experience skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster.

Unrestricted anger can result in a "rage" that can cause us to harm ourselves or people around us. I know you've heard of "road rage" and "acts of passion" that resulted in injury or death, sometimes to innocent parties.

Anger can also damage family relationships, social relationships and even cost you your job.

Popular approaches to anger include "taking a timeout" or "punching a pillow" to vent your anger. Some suggest that you "scream" or use exercise as a vent. People are taught conflict resolution, how to be assertive, and how to remove oneself from anger-inducing situations.

These ideas may be good and effective when a threat is immediate and action is required. There is a far-more-common form of anger that occurs over and over again without any real-time provocation. Such anger is an emotional response to the memory or recollection of an offense suffered in the past - sometimes many years in the past. When these memories pop into your mind as negative thoughts; and we mentally chew or ruminate on them; it can become just like the original incident all over again.

But, it’s all in your memory. It’s not happening all over again in most cases.

The solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that results in recurring anger is "simply choose not to think about it." 

When a negative thought that you know leads to anger pops into your mind, simply say to yourself out loud, “I will not think about that.” Do it again if the idea pops up again.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.” Not really. You have the inborn authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you pain, you can choose not to think that thought.

As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen. At that point, you won't even realize you are thinking the anger-provoking thoughts. Before they become conscious thoughts, you handle them subconsciously.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind control your negative thinking for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use 

If you could deal with anger simply and effectively, would you take 3 minutes to learn more?

Check it out - http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r001

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you. I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much as it helped me with my anger problem.

 

Self-Imposed Ghetto

The Warsaw Ghetto and Wall - May 1941

Have you built walls to shut everybody else out of your world?

I’m reading a book called Isaac’s Army; a story of courage and survival in Nazi-occupied Poland in the late 1930’s and early 1940’s.

A ghetto is defined as a part of a city, typically a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups. It can also be a section of a city mostly occupied by a group who live there, particularly because of social, economic, or legal issues.

The Nazis forced all the Jewish people in most of the larger cities of Poland to live in a controlled area set apart by walls, barbed wire, and guards.

The Warsaw Ghetto had over 300,000 people living in an area of about 700 acres. It was roughly 1 ½ miles by ¾ mile in size.

There were several resistance groups operating at the time that totally distrusted each other. They would often meet but could almost never agree on any strategy to resist the Nazis.

From July to September, 1942, the Nazis carried out the Gross Aktion, in which over 200,000 Jews were herded into railroad cars and carried to the Treblinka Concentration Camp where they were exterminated.

Still the resistance groups would not even agree on the nature of the Nazi threat.

After a period of intense personal grief and shame over watching 80% of their number be taken away, the resistance groups decided that the threat was greater than their pride and distrust of their own people.

They pulled together and began a somewhat effective resistance. Unfortunately it was doomed to failure.

Your Own Ghetto

Have you sequestered yourself in your own ghetto of sorts by being held captive by your emotions? Many people have. Pride, fear of the unknown, inability to find relief, or lack of acceptance by family, friends, and peers have convinced you that it is better to live in solitude under self-imposed rules on contact with outsiders who don’t or won’t understand you.

Better to just accept your circumstances than fight them.

Or perhaps you’re like some of the zealous resistance fighters. Nobody is going to tell you how to live your life. You’ll show them that you are your own person by living life just exactly as you choose regardless of the risk to yourself and others.

For the Jews in Poland, it was very frightening to be forced to live in the ghetto. They never knew when the Nazis would knock on their door and haul them away. Many broke under the strain. Disease and death were rampant.

Have you reached the point where the pain of emotional separation or the increased risks of rebellion are putting strains on you?

Are you being stretched to the breaking point?

It’s hard doing it alone

The Jews of the Warsaw Ghetto who tried to do it alone almost always failed. It’s really hard for you to escape from your personal ghetto by yourself as well.

There are traditional routes that you may have tried - counseling, meds, clergy – and found little or no benefit.

You may have read books that shared various ideas; but they often don’t seem to work.

So what do you do?

It takes three things to affect significant change in your life:

• It takes knowledge – you have to know about an idea that can work.
• It takes belief – you have to believe that idea will work for you.
• It takes repetition – you have to practice the idea enough times for it to take effect in your life.

Finding Personal Peace offers you a simple, painless idea and gives you enough background so you to see how it can work for you. It then leads you through a process of repetition so that over time, you can develop a habit of peace to replace your habit of pain.

You can escape from your personal ghetto with knowledge, belief, and practice.
Start your escape today.


www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Ruts

Grading the Ruts in Your Life

Are you caught in a rut? You don’t have to stay there. 

The phrase, in a rut, means, according to one source, “In a settled or established habit or course of action, especially a boring one. For example, We go to the seashore every summer we're in a rut , or After ten years at the same job she says she's in a rut . This expression alludes to having a wheel stuck in a groove in the road. [Early 1800s]”

I think we all use that expression sometimes – some of us more often than others.

I read about it this morning in the context of living on a farm in the northern states, and finding the ruts to walk to the barn to feed the livestock after a blizzard; and then driving in ruts to try to get around on the farm in a vehicle. It’s a lot easier to move around if someone has gone before you and stomped out some ruts.

I grew up in rural Alabama. We didn't have much snow, but we had an abundance of dirt roads. Over time, with rain and traffic, ruts, often deep ruts, would be cut in the roadway. After a time, the ruts became quite rough on the vehicle and the occupants as they bounced along up and down and from side to side in the ruts. It was easier in some places to drive on the unrutted sections of the road

And please don’t let us meet someone coming from the opposite direction in the same set of ruts; but that’s an aside. The ruts remained until the county sent out the road crew with their grading equipment to re-grade the road surface. Then it was smooth – for a little while.

Life’s Ruts

Have you found yourself in a life rut? Sometimes it’s as simple as living a lifestyle with predictable patterns. I go to our neighborhood McDonald's and sometime a crew member starts ringing up my order as soon I say “Hello.” I’m in that sort of rut.

The other, and more bothersome, rut is the emotional rut where we find ourselves trapped between sidewalls of painful thoughts and bad experiences and we just can’t seem to find our way out.

Or worse, we don’t want to find a way out. It may be painful there, but at least it’s predictable. What is it that people say? “Better the devil you know that the one you don’t.” 

It becomes a matter of “relative” comfort." It’s not very comfortable here in the rut – but it might be far less comfortable out there in the unknown. The sad thing is that our ruts often get deeper with the wear-and-tear of living, and the remembering of painful experiences, and the beating ourselves up with rumination, causing the ruts to get deeper and deeper and deeper.

Excuses

Somebody said, “My therapist had me relive all that pain every week for months; It didn't help.” Somebody else said, “That’s the hand I've been dealt. I just have to live with it.” And someone else joined in, “ I've read all the self-help stuff. My problems are way too complicated.” Blame it on painful approach, fate, or complications; they are all excuses.

Do you need a repair crew to come out and level out your ruts?

Your Own Repair Crew

What if it were possible to deal with the memories of your painful experiences in the privacy of your computer, iPad or smart phone?

What if it were possible to avoid reliving the pain?

What if it were possible to deal with life’s cards without falling back on old excuses?

What if it were possible to handle any life situation, no matter how complicated, by simply managing your negative thoughts one by one?

If all that were possible, do you think you could get out of the emotional ruts in your life? I’m suggesting that it is possible. I helped myself out of the rut of anger. My friend helped herself out of the rut of inferiority.

Finding Personal Peace can show you how to get out of your ruts.

I was reading this morning the story of Jesus walking up to the boat during the storm. You remember it. The sight scared the disciples in the boat half to death. Peter declared that he wanted to walk on the water; and Jesus said, “Come on.”

Peter was doing great until he remembered his circumstances and looked down at his feet instead of looking at Jesus.

The point I took is this. Peter could have kept his seat in the boat and never gotten his feet wet. But he wanted more.

John Ortberg, a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, wrote a fascinating book entitled, “If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat.” I recommend it to you.

But back to your rut.

• If you want to get out of your rut, you may have to try something you don’t understand.
• You may have to be willing to be uncomfortable until you realize that it’s working for you.
• You may have to admit that you’re in a rut.
• You may have to admit that you can’t get out of the rut by yourself.

But if you can deal with stepping out of your comfort zone and admitting that life as you know it is a rut, you can experience personal peace like you never dreamed possible. You can start today.

Here’s to getting out of your rut today!

www.findingpersonalpeace.com Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Transformers

Transform Yourself

Many of us need to be transformed – we just don’t know how to do it. 

I was thinking yesterday about Transformers. Do you remember the toys from a generation ago that could, with a few twists, turns, snaps, bends, and clicks, be changed from a menacing, powerful, figure of doom and destruction into a sleek, beautiful, vehicle possessing great style and grace.

My sons played for hours on end with first one transformation and then the other. What fun they had.

The need for transformation 

Open up your mind’s eye and take a look at yourself. What do you see?

Do you see a positive, compelling image of yourself; or do you see a sad, negative, off-putting picture? 

Do you see an image that is in need of a great transformation?

Understand that what you see in your mind’s eye is the actual image that your subconscious mind has of you. If you’re like many of us, that image has become less and less appealing as time passes.

Your subconscious is a vast storehouse of all your life experiences in great detail. It is also the database of every one of your reactions to all those experiences; as well as the thoughts and ruminations you continue to have on an ongoing basis. So over time you may very well have painted a bleak picture of who your subconscious believes you are; and it’s this role that you’re probably playing in your world today.

Wouldn't you like to be like the toy and by a few twists, turns, snaps, bends and clicks become a truly strong, dependable, and satisfied person who presents to the world an image of confidence and self-sufficiency?

By the way, since I encouraged you to perhaps start thinking about a negative image of yourself; I hereby tell you with authority, “STOP THINKING ABOUT IT- RIGHT NOW!”

Transformed

You can become a Transformer. You don’t have to accept the self-portrait that your subconscious has painted. You have the power to reduce the effect of the negative thinking almost immediately. 

Notice the sentence in ALL CAPS above. You have the authority to decide what you think about. You can stop thinking about anything you don’t want to think about. I’m not suggesting that you replace negative thinking with positive thinking. That’s an often-touted and just-as-often futile attempt to feel better. It’s always temporary.

You have an innate capacity to be happy. That capacity is often overwhelmed by negative thinking. Simply refusing to think about negative things will over a surprisingly short period of time allow the flicker of your inborn ability to start peeking out and eventually grow to a full beam of peace in your life.

In Finding Personal Peace we show you how to transform the negative you right out of your mental picture of yourself and allow the peaceful you to emerge.

We tell you what to do; we tell you why it works; and we lead you through a process of repetitive actions to reinforce your knowledge and belief into a new habit of peace. You take authority over the process.

So be transformed

Is there any reason not to start the process of transforming yourself today? I hope not.
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!