Help Someone you Love Deal with Fear and Phobias Simply and Effectively

Almost everybody is afraid of something. 

Fear and phobia are rampant today. At its least, fear can cause mild emotional discomfort. At its worst, it can be completely debilitating. You can deal with your fear and phobias in a simple and effective way in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

How many hit movies play on fear and phobias? My generation had Psycho, The Birds, and I Saw What You Did. Later there was Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Deliverance, and Misery. This form of fear can be fun because it is exhilarating and it titillates the “fight or flight” adrenal hormone surge.

Fear and Phobias can also render us incapable of any rational action; they can even make us speechless and incapable of any reaction whatsoever.

Some people are petrified by spiders and needles. Others react emotionally to unexpected noises. The fear of falling and the fear of crowds are common. One reaction may be just to lower our eyes and forge ahead. The other extreme is an all-out panic attack. Maybe you've had both reactions.

Common to most fears and phobias is the thought that something dreadful is going to happen.

Common treatment is to lead us to face our fears and work through them. The treatment itself can be terrifying to someone already in the grasp of irrational fears and phobias.

Each episode of fear or phobia is initiated by a thought. Very often those thoughts derive from myths, superstitions or memories. There is usually very little on-going factual basis for the fear or phobia. Something terrible or something simply embarrassing may have happened in the past, but it’s not likely that it’s happening today.

So right now I want you to pause and think about something that makes you afraid. But DON’T dwell on it. Immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll discover that the frightening thought will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away.

We’re recommending a way of dealing with fears and phobias that is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the fear-inducing negative thinking is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not think about that." Do it as often as necessary and say it out loud; "I will not think about that."

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the innate authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought makes you afraid, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice! As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like being afraid. To accommodate your likes and dislikes, your subconscious tries to give you more and more thoughts that lead to fear.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of fear.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking fearful thoughts because your subconscious handles them before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your fear for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

Help someone you love deal effectively with fears and phobias. Take 3 minutes to learn more it at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s004.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you with your fear and phobias as much as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - No Man is an Island

Relationships are requisite for survival – we’re made that way. 

In 1624, John Donne wrote

No man is an island, Entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less.

Donne was saying that each of us is part of the whole cloth of mankind. One can reason that while some of us may try to isolate ourselves for a variety of reasons, it does not help us to do so because we are made to be part of a relationship.

I’m reading a book called Escape From Camp 14. It’s the story of a young man, Shin, in North Korea who was born in a labor camp and was kept there to be expunged of the sins of his parents. He grew up totally not trusting anyone. He even competed with his mother for food.

He was assigned to work with a new prisoner (actually to spy on him) who had lived out in a world that Shin knew nothing about. They developed a bond of trust that gave both the courage to escape; whereas Shin had been resolved to living out his life in the camp struggling, conniving, and even betraying others for a few grains of corn or leaves of cabbage.

The author refers to a study by Elmer Luchterhand, a sociologist at Yale, who studied 52 holocaust survivors shortly after their release from the camps. He concluded that the basic unit of survival is the pair, not the individual.

”It was in pairs that prisoners kept alive the semblance of humanity. Pairs stole food and clothing for each other, exchanged small gifts, and planned for the future. If one member of the pair fainted from hunger in front of a guard, the other would prop him up."

Eugene Weinstock, a Belgian resistance fighter who survived Buchenwald says, “Survival . . . could only be a social achievement, not an individual accident.”

The death of one member of the pair often doomed the other. It is said of women who knew them in the Bergen-Belsen camp, that Anne Frank survived hunger and typhus but lost her will to live after the death of her sister, Margot. This is morbid, but it’s worth thinking about.

Too many people have isolated themselves from society to avoid uncomfortable or even painful memories; perhaps in response to hurt or rejection.

A Skinner Box

B. F. Skinner, an American psychologist from the 1930’s, developed a device, called the Skinner Box, whereby laboratory animals could be isolated, manipulated, and controlled by teaching them to perform certain actions for rewards or to avoid punishments.

Repressive societies like the Nazis and the North Koreans use confinement, hunger, and fear to assert absolute control over prisoners. Guards breed prisoners whom they control, isolate, and pit against one another to the detriment of both. Shin’s labor camp was like a huge Skinner Box with thousands of test subjects - all human.

Self-imposed isolation 

So the individual who withdraws, for whatever reason, creates his own form of a Skinner Box, in which he is controlled by his own thoughts. He probably finds some narcissistic relief by responding to his own thoughts and gradually becomes more and more detached from society. One possible outcome is destructive sociopathic behavior. The more common outcome is the continued demise of a soul controlled by his own choices. Society loses in both cases.

God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That’s just as true today as it was at the dawn of time.

Break out of your box 

You don’t have to stay in your self-imposed Skinner Box. You don’t have to let negative memories of long ago events keep you isolated. You can’t enjoy any of life's potential fulfillment when you’re isolated. Finding Personal Peace shows you how your thoughts isolate you; and more importantly how you can deal with those thoughts and break out of your isolation. You shouldn't be an island to yourself. You don’t have to be.
God bless,
 
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - Reach Out and Touch Someone

An essential component of most good relationships is touching.

Touching is Essential

Relationships seem to follow a fairly consistent developmental course from the initial contact to the height of the relationship.

Personal space

Touching may be restricted by the social norms. In North America, we have developed comfort zones around us. Intimate space is limited to about 18 inches. From there to about 4 feet is personal space. There is a social-communicative space of 4 to 12 feet and a public space from 12 feet to the horizon. We can feel uncomfortable if a stranger enters our personal space or a mere acquaintance enters our intimate space. Of course, this varies according to culture.

A friend lived in China for awhile. She told me of taking a bus and being so crowded that at one point she was so pressed about by people that her feet wouldn’t touch the floor. This went on for some distance.  In that culture both adults and teenagers of all ages think nothing of pushing up against you when asking questions or standing beside you. This would be unheard of in most Western cultures.

Touching

Non-verbal communication, especially the body language associated with touching and cuddling can provide a lot of information regarding the seriousness of a relationship. There seems to be a need for touch that many people are lacking. Touching each other on a regular basis, even if it is only a passing touch, seem to lead to a deeper, more lasting relationship, while those are reluctant seem to be less interested in the future development of the relationship and less interested in developing a deeper intimacy with their partner.

It’s possible that you can one predict how committed your partner is by the amount of touching and intimate cuddling that goes on. Does a decrease in touching signify that there is a problem with the relationship?

I grew up in a family of non-huggers. I honestly cannot remember even one hug between myself and any of my brothers and sisters. My son has married into a family of huggers. To watch the joy and interaction in that family compared to my experience leaves me disappointed. The plus is that his extended family has extended their loving hugs to include us. We like that very much.

In most cultures today, people who do not know each other do not seek to touch each other. In fact, even eye contact with strangers can be uncomfortable for some. This is obvious when you are traveling on public transport or looking at someone across a crowded room that you do not know. As much as you may want to look at someone to “check them out”, it is an uncomfortable feeling if you get caught!

However, as soon as an introduction occurs and two strangers formally meet for the first time, the initial action that usually occurs is a handshake. This may occur with a third party or when you introduce yourself to another person for the first time. Without any conscious thought, this is an initial step in meeting another human of the same sex or different sex.

If mutual interest is there, the couple then moves on to the second stage where they begin to show their interest in interacting and their hidden aspects of likes and dislikes. This leads to the next stage where they continue to expose more of their hidden self.

As a couple moves through the various stages of the relationship, the amount of touching increases. Eventually, a type of private culture begins between the two partners. Each learns more about the other’s thoughts, feelings, and inner personality traits that have not been observed up to this point. Touching reaches a peak, as the couple cannot get enough of each other.

Next we have a period during which couples slow down to take a more realistic look at their relationship, its problems, and whether to stay together for the long haul. If a decision is made to stay together, then the couple moves on to the final stage, commitment.

During the stage of commitment and the ongoing process of staying committed, the amount of touching will say a lot about the closeness of the couple. Apparently, if the amount of touching occurs in the euphoria stage continues into the commitment stage, it is a good sign of a healthy relationship.

A mother lamented that she could not love her seven-year old daughter who was the product of a very abusive relationship that ended before the child was born. She simply did not feel any affection toward the girl because of bad memories of the girl’s father. The story is complicated by the birth of a second daughter from a loving relationship who means everything to the mother.

The advice given is to make a conscious, consistent effort for as long as it takes to touch, hug, hold and cuddle the older daughter. Human nature being what it is, the child will almost invariably respond to the touching.

So what about you?

Do you find yourself drawing back from touching? Do you know why? Are there thoughts that crowd your mind that make touching uncomfortable for you?

The objective of Finding Personal Peace is to help you deal with repetitive thoughts that hurt you. If you can’t touch someone you love, there might be a way to overcome that. The rewards to the relationship are worth the effort.

Go for it!

Remember that the couple that cuddles together usually stays together!

www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

A Candle of Hope

[caption id="attachment_434" align="alignright" width="159"] The Candle of Hope[/caption]

Today at church we lit the first Advent Candle, the Candle of Hope. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. What a powerful emotion is hope! Hope is a strong girder that can span wide chasms of circumstances that assail many of us.

Hope is a powerful engine that can push us through the struggles that often seem to block our way.

Hope makes tomorrow seem brighter than today; today brighter than yesterday.

So we lit the candle of Hope and a bold flame shown steady and bright.

A Flicker of Hope

So many people don’t have even a flicker of hope. For them, hope is overwhelmed by a flood of negative emotions and negative thinking. Know anybody like that?

It’s sad when the road is always running uphill and getting steeper.

It’s sad when the storm on our emotional horizon is growing with each passing day instead of receding with each new sunrise.

It’s sad when we don’t care any more.

Life doesn’t have to be that way.

We have an innate capacity for hope. We were built that way.

Something inside us truly wants the best for us.  That inner feeling can begin to grow if we give it time and space to expand.

That inner feeling can be reinforced if by clear thinking we can make timely and good life decisions that need to be made.

That inner feeling can become more real every day as we let ourselves have more peace.

So how is that possible?

We don’t have to let the negative thinking take over our lives.

We don’t have to dwell on every bad that thing that has happened to us or that we have caused to happen to ourselves or others.

We don’t have to stew and foment as a matter of habit. Bad habits can be broken. New habits can be made.

There is neither time nor space here to tell you how this is possible. You’re welcome to visit the link below my name for the details.

The Candle of Hope can become a blazing torch if you give it the fuel of personal peace.

God bless!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com