Relationships - Who's Pulling the Rope?

There’s always a rope. Are you the one pulling up or dragging down?

Which way are you pulling?

In relationships people are connected. You can imagine that each of you is holding onto a rope. The rope is seldom still because you and your partner are different people; each with different needs, aspirations, and emotions often pulling in different directions.

What you should want is that the relationship be always trending upward by one or both of you – usually alternating - keeping upward direction on the rope. When one is dragging down, the other is pulling up. Then the situation may be reversed.

Relationships are strained

Relationships are strained if one of you is dragging the other down. If this goes on long enough, one of the partners may be hurt. If the hurt continues long enough, the relationship may be damaged or broken.

You should already have figured out that there is very little to do to change your partner. What you can do is to make sure that you’re not the one dragging the relationship down. The rest of this post is looking at you and how you respond when you’re down.

Different responses

A typical response, maybe without much thought, is to pull your partner down to your level. There’s some weird concept of misery loving company. So you keep pulling on your end of the rope until your partner is sharing your emotional level.

Maybe you’re too stubborn to admit that your partner is right.

Maybe you’re too proud to admit that you need to be helped; that you don’t have the situation under control.

Maybe your snap judgment is to let go of the rope. That removes part of the pressure on you - the good part.

Sometimes you resist all the harder. Maybe you’re blaming your partner for how you feel; maybe you’re bearing a grudge toward your partner; or resentment; or envy; or revenge.

Or maybe it’s something totally unrelated to your partner; work, extended family, some threat toward you.

Whatever is roiling through your mind, give value to the fact that your partner is still holding the rope and trying to pull you back up out of the emotional mess you’re in.

Sometimes we pretend that nothing is wrong and keep living life as it is.

All these attempts to drag your partner down will eventually damage or destroy the relationship.

A matter of trust

Why don’t you just trust your partner? They’re trying to lift you up. They’re trying to give you hope and encouragement. Trust them to know what they’re doing.

Relax. Even if you don’t know what to do, let them gently and lovingly draw you up to higher ground. If you keep struggling, you’re creating pressure on both of you.

It’s just a matter of time until the situation is reversed and you’re the one gently, lovingly lifting your partner back up.

Don’t give up on the relationship; but make doubly sure that you’re not the one who is always the dead weight.

If you are, you can do something about that. You don’t have to accept the negative thinking that typically sends you into the emotional pit.

Do your partner and your relationship a great favor by learning how to deal with all your negative thinking and negative emotions. That’s what Finding Personal Peace is all about.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Invest in Your Relationships

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="160"] Getting a Return on Your Relationships?[/caption]

Very few things in life just happen. It almost always takes an investment – of our time; of our energy; of our emotions; of our money.

Invest time in your relationships

This is especially true of relationships with your children. They don’t care that you’re working two jobs to provide for them. Your child needs a little bit of you each day – one-on-one. Your spouse needs to have some of your time just to know that the relationship is important to you. Shared time doesn't count nearly as much as individual time. Sitting in the same room watching TV is a start. Reading a book to your child is better. Working together on chores is a great way to spend time with spouse or children. Be creative. There’s nothing more important than investing time in each relationship that’s important to you.

Invest energy in your relationships

Go out of your way to surprise your spouse or children occasionally. Put a loving note in the suitcase or briefcase. Put an encouraging, happy note in the lunchboxes. Offer a shoulder or neck massage to your spouse. Who knows what that might lead to. Offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to hear their frustration. It may take a lot of energy just to listen without offering advice.

Don’t just coast and expect the relationship to prosper. Invest energy. You may have to spend energy thinking of ways to invest more time.

Invest emotions in your relationships

Let yourself be vulnerable. Don’t mask your loving emotions in your relationships. Express love with no expectations of return. Express unconditional love.

If you’re apart, make sure they know you’re thinking about them. Hide your disappointment except in a teachable moment with children. Be willing to reach out without expecting a reach back.

Invest money in your relationships

This is last because it may be the least important. It certainly shouldn't be used to replace any of the other investments. Spend all you can reasonably spend on anniversaries and birthdays with emphasis on the word reasonable. If money is tight, wrap the package in time, energy, and emotion. A handmade card or note from your heart will mean more than Hallmark.

I know a couple of families with limited resources and large families. They celebrate Christmas more in worship and time together than in giving gifts to everyone. But birthdays are special. That’s one person’s special day and they make that a big deal.

Don’t expect a return on your investment

If you expect a return you might be disappointed sometimes. Expect nothing, but rejoice in everything. But I’m pretty comfortable predicting that if you invest diligently, you will have a wonderful return.

If you find yourself reacting negatively to these investments, examine your thinking. Be sure to apply the principles of my last posting (Click here) before you react outwardly.

You may be right. Perhaps your partner didn't react well to your investment. But be careful how you react. Would you rather be right or alone?

If your negative thinking is hurting your relationship, then take control of your thinking. That’s what Finding Personal Peace teaches you to do.

Invest, invest, invest. The return may be life-changing.

All the best,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!