Relationships - No Man is an Island

Relationships are requisite for survival – we’re made that way. 

In 1624, John Donne wrote

No man is an island, Entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less.

Donne was saying that each of us is part of the whole cloth of mankind. One can reason that while some of us may try to isolate ourselves for a variety of reasons, it does not help us to do so because we are made to be part of a relationship.

I’m reading a book called Escape From Camp 14. It’s the story of a young man, Shin, in North Korea who was born in a labor camp and was kept there to be expunged of the sins of his parents. He grew up totally not trusting anyone. He even competed with his mother for food.

He was assigned to work with a new prisoner (actually to spy on him) who had lived out in a world that Shin knew nothing about. They developed a bond of trust that gave both the courage to escape; whereas Shin had been resolved to living out his life in the camp struggling, conniving, and even betraying others for a few grains of corn or leaves of cabbage.

The author refers to a study by Elmer Luchterhand, a sociologist at Yale, who studied 52 holocaust survivors shortly after their release from the camps. He concluded that the basic unit of survival is the pair, not the individual.

”It was in pairs that prisoners kept alive the semblance of humanity. Pairs stole food and clothing for each other, exchanged small gifts, and planned for the future. If one member of the pair fainted from hunger in front of a guard, the other would prop him up."

Eugene Weinstock, a Belgian resistance fighter who survived Buchenwald says, “Survival . . . could only be a social achievement, not an individual accident.”

The death of one member of the pair often doomed the other. It is said of women who knew them in the Bergen-Belsen camp, that Anne Frank survived hunger and typhus but lost her will to live after the death of her sister, Margot. This is morbid, but it’s worth thinking about.

Too many people have isolated themselves from society to avoid uncomfortable or even painful memories; perhaps in response to hurt or rejection.

A Skinner Box

B. F. Skinner, an American psychologist from the 1930’s, developed a device, called the Skinner Box, whereby laboratory animals could be isolated, manipulated, and controlled by teaching them to perform certain actions for rewards or to avoid punishments.

Repressive societies like the Nazis and the North Koreans use confinement, hunger, and fear to assert absolute control over prisoners. Guards breed prisoners whom they control, isolate, and pit against one another to the detriment of both. Shin’s labor camp was like a huge Skinner Box with thousands of test subjects - all human.

Self-imposed isolation 

So the individual who withdraws, for whatever reason, creates his own form of a Skinner Box, in which he is controlled by his own thoughts. He probably finds some narcissistic relief by responding to his own thoughts and gradually becomes more and more detached from society. One possible outcome is destructive sociopathic behavior. The more common outcome is the continued demise of a soul controlled by his own choices. Society loses in both cases.

God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That’s just as true today as it was at the dawn of time.

Break out of your box 

You don’t have to stay in your self-imposed Skinner Box. You don’t have to let negative memories of long ago events keep you isolated. You can’t enjoy any of life's potential fulfillment when you’re isolated. Finding Personal Peace shows you how your thoughts isolate you; and more importantly how you can deal with those thoughts and break out of your isolation. You shouldn't be an island to yourself. You don’t have to be.
God bless,
 
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!