Do You Ever Want to Hit Someone?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="140"] Anger!!![/caption]

This is just us taking here. Nobody’s taking notes. Tell the truth. How many times in the recent years have you gotten so angry with someone that you thought about hitting them?

How many times, again just between us, did you actually hit someone in anger?

_____ made me do it

“She just gets in my face all the time.” “I don’t have the money to pay the bills.” “I work hard and there’s supposed to be supper and a cold beer waiting when I get home.”

I gave some male-oriented provocations excuses. I’m sure you can fill in the blank with your own excuses, especially if you had some real numbers in mind when I asked the questions at the top. Take a moment. Think about your favorite personal excuses. Say them out loud, if you’re in a place where you can. Think about what your excuses sound like away from the heat of battle.

I can’t help it

Most domestic abusers feel great remorse after the episode. They beg for forgiveness and promise no repeat. It’s always, “I couldn't help it,” or “I lost control for a minute.”

I don’t doubt the sincerity of what is said after the fact. It's pure guilt; but it's totally true.

Breaking down the abuse

I suggest eight parts in the sequence of an abusive episode:

1. A word spoken – angry, critical, questioning – words


2. A response – probably an inner clinching of the emotional sphincter – a thought.


3. An expansion – replaying the thought and letting it grow and grow - rumination.


4. A reaction – probably angry words exchanged. The emotional sphincter gets tighter and tighter; choking off reason and release - exchange


5. The verbal battle ensues - escalation.


6. The sphincter bursts and a punch is thrown - violence.


7. Immediate remorse with apologies, tears, and expressions of love.


8. Abusive events always happen again.

Keep in mind that this is a layperson’s list. Would you agree that it’s sort of logical?

Breaking the cycle

I’m talking to the abuser now. Look at the list above. There is only one step in the list where you can do anything to effectively end the altercation.

2. A response – ... – a thought.

If you had known how to dismiss that initial thought and walk away; and if you had known how to dismiss the ubiquitous follow-up thought of “You can’t give in! That means you’re weak”; then the fight would be over and no harm done.

The problem still has to be solved. But learning how to deal with the negative thoughts gains you some thought space to work on a good solution.

There are always answers – but good answers ALMOST NEVER come from intense emotions.

You can create the space in your life. Look for it today!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

"All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"

[caption id="attachment_517" align="alignright" width="113"] Hope for Christmas[/caption]

You may remember the title song. It’s a novelty Christmas song written in 1944 by Donald Yetter Gardner while he was teaching music at public schools in Smithtown, New York. He asked his second grade class what they wanted for Christmas, and noticed that almost all of the students had at least one front tooth missing as they answered in a lisp. Gardner wrote the song in 30 minutes and as they say, “The rest is history.”

Do you have a Christmas dream?

Most of us do; except for those of us who have given up on ever seeing our wish granted.

Some of us dream of a restored relationship. But every time we start thinking about the relationship, we start rummaging up everything that happened to destroy the relationship and we get all angry, hurt, revengeful or bitter again; and again; and again.

Someone said, “Forgive and Forget.” What a curious sentiment; as if it’s my fault that he/she abused me and/or said all those ugly things to me. Both forgiving and forgetting are incredibly difficult to achieve especially if the other party hasn't shown no remorse or may not even be aware of the offense in some cases.

There’s a better way – simply don’t think about it any more. I promise you that is something you can learn to do. Then when you have a bit of clear thinking (peace) perhaps you can decide on a rational course of action to restore the relationship.

Some of us dream of being forgiven for something we did for which forgiveness has not been offered. But when we start reflecting on the rift, we are overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment all over again; and again; and again.

Better to learn how to not think about what we did. Perhaps in one of the peaceful interludes of not thinking about it, you’ll discover an approach to reconciliation.

Some of us dream of freedom from the stress of life like bills, repairs, a bad job, ungrateful family members, unneighborly neighbors; barking dogs; all seem to steal our peace and eventually our health if the stress continues. If we try to deal with one of these stressful issues, very often the thoughts of futility, failure, envy of those who have, and resentment of those who aren't sharing our load gang up to beat us into submission again; and again; and again.

Better to find a way to not dwell on the issues and take advantage of the relatively calm emotional moment that provides to think of ways to resolve the issue; not just to survive it.

You have the authority

Two front teeth  - we haven’t thought about that since we were seven or eight. The other unfulfilled dreams come daily for many of us.

You have the authority to not think about anything you don’t want to think about. I learned how to do that. You can too.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. BTW, the moments of peace that we gain by not thinking about negative things begin to connect together; and we can enjoy longer and longer periods of personal peace.

Merry Christmas!

Can You See The Candle of Peace?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="167"] The Candle of Peace[/caption]

The Candle of Peace

We lit another Advent Candle in church this week – the second one  - , the Candle of Peace. It was announced that, “ We light this candle to remind us that our Lord Jesus brings peace to all who trust in Him.”

I’ll focus in this post on a more temporal peace; let’s call it “walking-around peace,” instead of eternal peace.

Defining Peace

Peace is defined these two ways (there are other, more general definitions):

1. a state of mutual harmony in personal relationships:


2. Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.

I’d like to ask you two questions:

1. Can you truthfully say that your own life fully satisfies both definitions of peace?


2. How many people do you know whose lives demonstrated true peace according to those definitions?

I suspect that you answers contained some form of “No” and “Not many.”

What’s the Problem?

The fundamental problem lies in the second definition where it talks about “disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.”

Society today is sharply focused on “self.”

• “Don’t you get up in my face!.”


• “You better respect me!”


• “I deserve . . .”


• “I have the right to . . .”


• “I don’t have to take that.”


• “Don’t be minding my business.”

Whenever somebody gets in our space, either accidentally or intentionally, all kinds of emotions erupt like a volcano: anger, fear, loathing, flight, fight.

And we record any such offense so we can replay the offense time and time again whenever it suits us.

It suits us when we want some sympathy and nobody gives us any. Answer – recall a painful event and feel sorry for ourselves.

It suits us when we feel the need to assert ourselves and there’s nobody around for us to assert upon. Solution – recall a painful event and assert ourselves vicariously.

It suits us when we see somebody that reminds us of that low-down, scheming . . .

It suits us when we’re alone wishing for a friend.

It suits us when we’re in a crowd wishing we were somewhere else.

If we could keep accurate records of all the times we entertain disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions, we would be amazed. Most of us spend some time each day stewing over a wrong suffered or suffering guilt over our own shortcomings.

And this rumination on negative thoughts and emotions can destroy us – physically and emotionally.

Life Doesn’t have to be that Way

If you could dismiss just one of those negative thoughts, a glimmer might reach you from your candle of peace – just a flicker.

If you could handle more of those negative thoughts, the flicker becomes a flame – small but steady.

If you could handle all those negative emotions, the candle of peace will glow brightly; giving you the light necessary to make important decisions that will have a long-term effect on your daily peace and your relationships; and will open the door to lasting peace.

Seek peace and you will find it. That’s a promise.

God bless,



www.findingperaonalpeace.com

 

Your Personality - M&M's or Barbed Wire?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="158"] An Island of Peace in a Troubled World[/caption]

Often without realizing it, we frequently react to the personality of someone we meet or even someone we see.

A brief definition would be that personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. In addition to this, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life.

I like the last phrase about personality being fairly consistent throughout life. I like it because it implies that our personality is inherently part of us from our birth. That tells me that we are made to enjoy life. I just can’t see someone “made in the image of God” being made with a bent toward evil or even unhappiness.

In the last posting, we talked about individuality. Picture an M&M made up of a hard candy shell and a soft chocolate center. It’s not too far-fetched to think of the shell as our individuality; as what makes us stand out in the world or as the defense we create against melting in someone’s hand.  And we can think of our personality as the soft chocolate center with the characteristics that are inherent within us; joy, peace, satisfaction, etc.

Richard Carlson talks at length about an inherent capacity for happiness. Maybe it’s our personality he’s talking about. – that built-in part.

So What Happens

But let’s get real here. We all know people who have the personality of barbed wire. I have a theory about how personality gets from “M&M-Center” to “barbed-wire.”

Simply put, life happens. Some of us are always able to handle disappointments with a smile. Nothing ever gets us down.

Others store up disappointments like a bank account. We keep an internal scoreboard where we tally all the hurts, offenses, criticisms, put-downs, failures. And being good stewards, we routinely take our scoreboards out and review them; we think about the offenses; we relive the hurts; we suffer the failures all over again.

Before long, this scoreboard becomes a jumbotron that everybody sees. The negativity completely clouds or hides our personality.

Sounds Grim

It does sound grim, but it doesn't have to be. Like a frost-covered window, we can clear a little space by taking command of just one of our negative thoughts. We talk about how to do this in Finding Personal Peace.

We can see through the window a little bit. If we keep dealing with negative thinking (the jumbotron of hurts) before long, we can see a beautiful scene which is what we’re truly like without the negativity.

Picture a tiny tropical island. It’s beautiful with the waves crashing ashore.

Now picture the island surrounded by murky water; water made muddy by negative thinking roiling around within us.

When we control the negative thinking, the water becomes sparkling clear and we begin to see the beauty that exists below. The tiny island is but the tip of a great mountain with colorful fish, bright coral reefs, and all sorts of amazing creatures.

Our Personality

Our personality can be like a jewel if we let it shine. We can let it shine by dealing with all the negativity we have accumulated.

Go for it!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Individuality

[caption id="attachment_456" align="alignright" width="170"] Individuality - A Threat to Peace[/caption]

What is Individuality?

Wow, what a great sounding word – I N D I V I D U A L I T Y! That’s all we hear from Hollywood. We deserve! We have the right to ___!

One definition is “the interests of the individual as distinguished from the interests of the community.”

Oswald Chambers describes individuality as “the hard outer layer surrounding the inner spiritual life.” We too often see individuality shoving others aside; separating and isolating; creating division instead of unity and peace.

Most agree that the characteristics of individuality are independence and self-will. In view of that let me ask you these questions:

• How can two individuals build a relationship when each persists in maintaining their own individuality?


• How can conflicts be resolved when each protagonist insists on their own rights first?

I submit that individuality is the primary barrier to building and maintaining relationships; and the primary barrier to personal peace.

• The world’s view of individuality asserts pride over forgiveness; as in, so-and-so hurt my feelings. I don’t have to put up with that.


• The same world view demands respect forgetting that respect is earned, not God-given.


• Individuality says “you go first” then if I feel vindicated, I’ll respond.

Maintaining Individuality in Relationships

I’m not suggesting that we always submit our individuality. That would be subservience in the worst form and would be very harmful to us.

There are very often times when we have to weigh our individuality against the value of the relationship. If we can yield without compromising our integrity, morals, or personal beliefs, and the relationship is meaningful to us, then we need to subordinate our individuality for the health of the relationship.

If compromise requires us to devalue ourselves emotionally, ethically or morally, then we need to look long and hard at the value of the relationship.

Dangers of Abused Individuality

Abused individuality is what makes us stew over and over again because somebody offended us.

Abused individuality never forgets a wrong suffered. In fact it actively keeps count.

Abused individuality always puts it's own self-interest above the interests of the whole, be it a couple, a family, an office staff, a committee, or a church.

Abused individuality will absolutely destroys your peace.

But abused individuality is not a permanent condition. In fact, it can be dealt with much easier than you think.

My Story

I was exercising my individuality for years every time I got angry over the men who had hurt my family. The problem is that my individuality was costing me every relationship that was important. I learned how to balance my individuality with the importance of my relationships. You can, too!

I put the how-to online.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Find Your Star

[caption id="attachment_445" align="alignright" width="179"] Searching for Your Peace Star[/caption]

I’m not going to try to argue whether the Three Wise Men from the East were real or whether they were part of the stories surrounding the birth of Christ.

For the purposes of this story, this could be true or it could be legend.

Far away to the East

The three kings were so rich that they didn't have to work for a living. They didn't have to go to the factory or to the brokerage office or the bank. It would fit the culture that while the masses worked, the kings devoted their lives to scientific study of the earth or the heavens.

Our three guys spent their nights looking at the stars and their days writing about anything they saw that was new.

On occasion, they saw a comet or that one of the nearby planets appeared to be especially bright. They identified the constellations as they moved across the heavens. They might see meteors or eclipses. When they saw something new, they tried to understand it based either on their prior observations or they would speculate on what it might mean.

One night they saw a really unusual sight. It was a star so bright that it had to have special meaning.

It was so special that they arranged to have their affairs managed by capable men and they packed up their entourage and headed west.

Living with a Passion

Day after day they traveled and night after night they checked on their special star.

They journeyed with a passion that was fired by the unknown meaning of the special star.

And according to the Matthew account, after a year or two, they found their way to the house where the Christ Child lived. They presented their gifts and worshiped Him.

The Missing Passion

What a shame it is that so many people live a life without passion. It has little to do with wealth or station; it has more to do with being fulfilled and complete.

If we have passion, even the setbacks are just speed bumps on the road to meaning in our life.

But without passion, it may be a struggle to just get out of bed.

Without passion, we may fall victim to looking for peace in all the wrong places.

Without passion, personal peace suffers.

Passion is possible for all of us

Always be looking for your special star; the star that could add passion to your life. It could appear at any moment – if it’s not hidden by negativity that often swirls around us.

Learning how to deal with the negativity the key to finding first peace, then passion. I’d love to share with you some of the things I’ve learned about restoring personal peace. Just click the link at the bottom.

Seek Passion – It’s Worth It

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

A Candle of Hope

[caption id="attachment_434" align="alignright" width="159"] The Candle of Hope[/caption]

Today at church we lit the first Advent Candle, the Candle of Hope. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. What a powerful emotion is hope! Hope is a strong girder that can span wide chasms of circumstances that assail many of us.

Hope is a powerful engine that can push us through the struggles that often seem to block our way.

Hope makes tomorrow seem brighter than today; today brighter than yesterday.

So we lit the candle of Hope and a bold flame shown steady and bright.

A Flicker of Hope

So many people don’t have even a flicker of hope. For them, hope is overwhelmed by a flood of negative emotions and negative thinking. Know anybody like that?

It’s sad when the road is always running uphill and getting steeper.

It’s sad when the storm on our emotional horizon is growing with each passing day instead of receding with each new sunrise.

It’s sad when we don’t care any more.

Life doesn’t have to be that way.

We have an innate capacity for hope. We were built that way.

Something inside us truly wants the best for us.  That inner feeling can begin to grow if we give it time and space to expand.

That inner feeling can be reinforced if by clear thinking we can make timely and good life decisions that need to be made.

That inner feeling can become more real every day as we let ourselves have more peace.

So how is that possible?

We don’t have to let the negative thinking take over our lives.

We don’t have to dwell on every bad that thing that has happened to us or that we have caused to happen to ourselves or others.

We don’t have to stew and foment as a matter of habit. Bad habits can be broken. New habits can be made.

There is neither time nor space here to tell you how this is possible. You’re welcome to visit the link below my name for the details.

The Candle of Hope can become a blazing torch if you give it the fuel of personal peace.

God bless!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thinking about my father . . .

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="262"] Uncle Thomas, My Dad, Uncle Gilbert circa 1898-99[/caption]

Yesterday was the 117^th anniversary of my father’s birth. He was born November 30, 1895. I really enjoy ruminating on what life must have been like at the turn of the 20^th century.

Life was so different. My father didn’t have electricity in his home until he was 51 years old. I’m not aware of his traveling more than 200 miles from home until he was in his 6^th decade; with the exception of a trip to France at Uncle Sam’s suggestion in 1918 and eloping in a horse-drawn buggy to Mississippi with my mother in December 1919.

My dad never was in an airplane and to my knowledge never talked on the telephone. He was not well educated, but he could feed and provide for a family with the work he invested in his little one-mule farm.

He taught me how to work hard. He taught me how to be honest. He taught me to be frugal. Come to think of it, he actually taught me how to have dreams; my mother taught me how to be frugal – but that’s another story.

He did not teach me how to be a bully. He did not teach me how to seek power over other people. He did not teach me how to win through intimidation. He did not teach me to bear a grudge.

He was proud of his family. I don’t recall him ever saying “I love you,” but there was never any doubt of his love because he gave so much of himself to his family.

My favorite Christmas story

In 1936, the day before Christmas, my dad walked into town (about five miles) and spent his last dollar to buy Christmas gifts for my brothers and sisters (I wasn’t born yet) – little things like a fountain pen and a pocket knife for my brothers and hair ribbons and barrettes for my sisters and some candy and apples. He got to put his name in a drawing at the mercantile store. To his delight, his name was selected for the ten-dollar grand prize. He didn’t buy the gifts because of the prize, like a lottery ticket. He did what pleased him most – he spent his last dollar to give his children a little joy at Christmas.

Where am I going here?

I love my memories of my family. Not because of wealth or possessions, but because of their commitment, encouragement, and acceptance of us.

Lots of people don’t have such warm memories of growing up. Some of those memories are downright awful and are made more so by reliving those memories over and over again with more pain and discouragement with every sequel.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

If negative memories haunt you, I promise you can escape those memories. You don’t have to be held captive by emotional pain from yesterday or from decades ago. I can share more on my website than I can share here so I invite you to visit right now to see if there’s a Christmas gift there for you.

You still have time to have a Merry Christmas by getting the painful Christmas memories out of the way.

All the best,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thinking about my father . . .

Is Christmas Your Saddest Day?

It's like a cruel paradox.

[caption id="attachment_342" align="alignright" width="206"] A Paradox of Joy and Sadness[/caption]

On the one hand . . .

The day that should bring the most joy to the world and to each of us is at the same time the day that brings great sorrow to so many of us. Why is that, do you think?

We look around us and see on every hand examples of joy and happiness. TV commercials disguise the desire to sell you something as the “joy” of giving and loving others.

Millions travel millions of miles to be with family and friends. Everybody's making the journey to be happy, right?

Beautiful decorations go up on every door and many lawns to spread the joy of Christmas, right?

Love, Peace, and Joy to the World are all expressed in yuletide carols being sung by choirs.

On the other hand . . .

Many people can't get home for Christmas – deployment, distance, death.

Many people won't get home emotionally for Christmas – wrongs suffered, shame and guilt, broken relationships.

So a time of joy for many is also a time of despair for just as many because they can't have the storybook ideal of family, hearth, gifts, singing, and peace.

It's too often a lonely room – or the lonely corner of a crowed room – filled with thoughts of what was and is no more; of loved ones estranged; of relationships strained; of angry words spoken that can't be taken back; or of hearts broken.

So many of us spend so much time with the “Ghost of Christmas Past” as Dickens put it, that we can't enjoy the present or even imagine a different future.

This ghost is most often our memories, our negative thoughts, of loves lost, hurts suffered, guilt and shame over hurts given, anger over offenses, sadness over separation, and your own personal thoughts. It's just thoughts; distracting, disturbing, disorganized, destroying thoughts. THOUGHTS! NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!

They are heavy, negative thoughts such that when the weight has accumulated enough from frequent replaying, they beat us up emotionally and beat us down physically until we often, in despair, reach out for anything to mask the pain – a bed, a bottle, a pill, a needle, or worse.

If it didn't have to be that way . . .

If there were a way that this Christmas could be free of the shackles of negative thoughts, would that be a gift worthy of the season?

If there were a way that this Christmas you could make clear-minded, rational decisions about restoring relationships, would that be desirable?

If there were a way that this Christmas you could enjoy the original peace of the season in your mind, heart, and soul, would that please you?

I'm offering you that worthy, desirable, pleasing gift. You can have it today.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Do You Have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Or do you know someone who does?

What is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder that can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death.

What causes PTSD?

PTSD can occur at any age. It can follow a natural disaster such as a flood or fire, or events such as:

• Assault


• Domestic abuse


• Prison stay


• Rape


• Terrorism


• War

It is normal to have stress reactions after a traumatic event. Your emotions and behavior can change in ways that are troubling to you. It's when the symptoms become overwhelming that you start to feel out of control.

What are some symptoms of PTSD?

In moments of danger, our bodies prepare to fight our enemy, flee the situation, or freeze in the hope that the danger will move past us. But those feelings of alertness may stay even after the danger has passed.

• You may feel tense or afraid


• You may feel agitated and jumpy


• You may feel "on alert"


• You may feel Sadness or depression,


• You may feel a sense of loss


• You may have crying spells


• You may lose interest in things you used to enjoy


• You may want to be alone all the time


• You may  feel tired, empty, and numb

What are common treatments for PTSD?

The two main types are psychotherapy, sometimes called “counseling,” and medication. Sometimes people combine psychotherapy and medication.

Counseling could involve a variety of approaches that basically lead you to think about and talk through your thoughts and feelings while you learn skills to better understand how the trauma changed you. Some therapy exposes you to the stressful thoughts until you become desensitized to them. Another involves learning unrelated eye and hand movements or sounds while you talk about the traumatic event. Over time, it can help change how you react to your memories of the trauma.

Medications may be used to help you feel better, especially in those with high anxiety. The drugs may lead to  and are not recommended for long-term PTSD treatment.

A question that bothers me

• If PTSD results from memories and negative thoughts about a stressful event in our lives; and


• If negative thinking grows with attention according to noted author and counselor, Dr. Richard Carlson; then


• How can treatment that causes us to think and talk about negative things help us? It would seem like thinking and talking would make the situation worse and certainly prolong resolving the issue.

Consider this:

• If thinking about something makes us angry, don't think about it.


• If thinking about something makes us anxious, don't think about it.


• If thinking about something makes us afraid, don't think about it.


• If thinking about something makes ufs sad, don't think about it.

Sound too simple?

That's exactly how I solved my problem with anger years ago. I learned how to not think about it. It worked so well that I wrote an on-line course called Finding Personal Peace so you can learn how to NOT think about your painful issues. It worked for me; it can work for you.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

Lies! Lies!! Lies!!!

I just finished a wonderful Andy Andrews book entitled “How Do You Kill 11 Million People?” I highly recommend it to you if you're in any way interested in whats going on in our world today.

I'm not going to divulge the premise, but the book started me thinking about lies.

Andy talks about a paradox that he uncovered during his study of the Dark and Middle Ages that went something like this, “Simply stated, the past is what is real and true, while history is merely what someone recorded.”

So how does this impact the way we think?

I've done a lot of thinking about thinking lately. You've probably noticed that most of my posts say something about the influence of negative thinking in most emotional issues that we face.

We all have painful experiences that we've accumulated over the years. Many of them are unequivocally true. We can't deny that someone abused us, or neglected us, or shamefully treated us.

Other painful experiences may be described differently from different perspectives. Harsh words said to us or of us may be misinterpreted. Disappointments or rejections we felt may have had a compelling reason that we didn't perceive at the time that might have mitigated the pain had we known.

So like the paradox, we accept the things that happened as real and true.

And like the paradox, we discover that the history writers may have gotten it wrong.

Whoa!!! What's this about history writers and our personal painful experiences? Is somebody writing all this down to be read again and again? Of course, there's a history writer – It's YOU!

The vast majority of painful events are over and done with. They happened. They're done. They're not happening again; or are they?

Painful events happen again every time you replay the memory in your mind. The memory pops up and you relive the event again. The memory pops up again and again and again; and you relive it again and again and again.

The paradox is that you, the history writer, play the event a little differently each time you revisit the memory. The pain may be a little more intense; the hurt a little deeper than last time. It's an accepted truth that negative thinking grows with attention, so the pain intensifies.

The lie is this. IT'S NOT HAPPENING AGAIN!. You're lying to yourself every time you replay the painful event by accepting it as reality when it's nothing but an increasingly distorted memory of something painful that happened way back then.

My anger was nothing but a memory for years, but I relived it every day. When I learned how to deal with the negative thinking, it was like a final rewriting of the history of that part of my life. And it's more than that. The negative thinking was hurting my relationships, causing me stress, and maybe exacerbating some health issues. I don't have to deal with that anymore. What Freedom!

“Yes,” a painful thing happened at a particular time in my history. But, “No”, I'm not condemned to reliving that painful event for the rest of my life. By doing the same things I did, you don't have to let negative thinking about the past destroy your future.

Enjoy some peace in your life for a change! Think about it!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. BTW, get Andy's book. It's a great 30-minute read.

The Seven Deadly Sins - Recognize Any of Them?

Last time we talked about the Seven Heavenly (Helpful) Virtues. This post is about the Seven Deadly (Harmful) Sins. Because there is a need for balance in the universe, each of the virtues is balanced by a deadly or harmful sin. I've shown the balancing virtues in parentheses.

Lust (Self-Control) is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body. Lots of people think only of sexuality here, but we need to think of larger area of sensuality. Sensuality is the craving for physical pleasures of all kinds.

• An inordinate desire to avoid pain;


• For physical and even emotional comfort;


• The best food and wine;


• The best looking car;


• The best and quickest fix to mask our emotional pain;


• You probably can add many more things to this list from your personal experience.

Lust promotes the lie that "this is all there is, and the frustration that we may be missing something we deserve. We try to make a heaven on earth, but instead we create a hell. Other people become ways of satisfying our needs as objects to service us, bring us food, run our business, and give us pleasure.

Gluttony (Temperance) is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.  The world is full of good and beautiful things that we are free to enjoy. It is possible to become so caught up in a single pleasure, whether food or fun, that we can no longer enjoy other things, and would be willing to sacrifice other pleasures for the one.

There can be a healthy and natural enjoyment of time spent with friends and acquaintances, but some of us just can't get enough and we begin to use people. Far worse is when a parent demands too much from a child, requiring too much time or too many accomplishments from someone too small to grant so many pleasures. Even pets get excessive attention at times, but they don't seem to mind as much. We can become so involved in the pleasure of dating or marriage relationship that we exclude other relationships and activities.

Greed (Charity) is the desire for material wealth or gain. Earthly goods can simply become things used to achieve, wield and display personal power. Things can be used to intimidate or bribe others, reinforce one's own illusions about what is important or to build up a feeling of success. The real problem here is more the desire for power than the actual greed.

Sloth (Diligence) is the avoidance of physical, spiritual, or any other beneficial work. It’s often more than just laziness. Many people stay busy most of the time but don't do the things they should, putting them off for later. Busyness is often used as an excuse to cover slothfulness.

Wrath or Anger (Kindness) is manifested in the individual who spurns love for fury. Anger is not necessarily wrong if it is directed at correcting something that is truly wrong. In actuality, our anger over situations is not due as much to the situations' actual morality, but because they conflict with our own opinions about what is good or right.  Even though we may feel terrible later, we enjoy the power of anger while we are giving ourselves to it. We get an adrenaline rush and forget all the bad things about ourselves.

Envy (Love) is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situations. Dante groups envy with anger and pride as the sins of "Perverted Love." Envy is perverted because it "loves" what other people possess, rather than what is Good, Beautiful and True. It is often portrayed as "eating away" the heart of the envious person.

Pride (Humility) is excessive belief in one's own abilities that interferes with the individual's recognition of the goodness and contributions of others. Pride, often the essence of self-delusion, is like a paper-thin mask over our perceived ugliness or deficiencies. We pretend to be lovely but are in reality denying the truth about who and what we really are.

It's interesting that all these deadly sins have a selfish characteristic. We focus our thoughts on “what we want”, “what we've done,” “what we feel,” or “what offends us.” It's very easy to think again and again on these negative, selfish issues. There can even be a sense of lust and gluttony in this. This negative rumination is the single, biggest barrier to personal peace.

We should stop thinking all these negative things. It's possible, you know!

Think about it!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

The Seven Heavenly Virtues – Do You See Them?

Aristotle and Plato first penned what are now known as the four cardinal virtues: temperance, wisdom, justice, and courage. The Christian era added the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity. The Seven Heavenly Virtues came about around 400 A.D. through the work of Aurelius Clemens Prudentius and has been held through the centuries as the balance against the seven deadly sins. We'll talk about these in another post.

One could argue successfully that anyone living out these virtues would find a most fulfilling and satisfying life. Let's look at each.

Diligence (integrity) – Being totally responsibility for one's time, actions, and beliefs. A person with diligence does his work the best he can, uses his time wisely, and acts with honor and dignity, especially when no one is watching.

Chastity – While often applied to the idea of abstaining from sexual conduct according to one's state in life;  chastity also includes the practice of courtly love and romantic friendship; cleanliness through cultivated good health and hygiene, and avoiding intoxicants; being universally honest; and embracing  moral wholesomeness and purity of thought-through education.

Kindness – Showing love, compassion and friendship for its own sake; showing empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment; showing unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite; kindness is having a positive outlook and cheerful demeanor that inspires kindness in others.

Patience – Patience is forbearance and endurance through moderation. It is seeking to resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. It is showing the grace to forgive others. Patience in one creates a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering, hostility, and antagonism.

Charity is showing generosity, compassion, and self-sacrifice while making the needs of others preeminent.

Love is the sense of an unlimited loving-kindness toward others. It is self-sacrificing. It does not bear grievances. It has a short memory of hurts suffered. It seeks the best for others. It embodies the other virtues of patience, kindness, and humility. Love resides in the will rather than the emotions so it is a choice that is not bound to the passion of emotions.

Humility is modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is thinking of yourself less that thinking of others. Humility is the lack of self-promotion at the expense of others. It implies is a spirit of self-examination and our relationships with others. Humility is the courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved. Humility gives credit where credit is due.

Temperance is practicing self-control, abstention, moderation, and deferred gratification. Temperance is the prudence to judge between actions to choose which actions are appropriate actions at a given time.

So there they are; the Seven Great Virtues. Do you think that if you could regularly practice those virtues that your life would be remarkably improved over what it might be now? Do you know people who could benefit from practicing these virtues?

So why don't we all put them into practice in our lives?

Most of us are bombarded with negative thinking that tells us how bad we are; how bad we have it; how somebody is taking advantage of us; how we blew it; and on and on. It's not hard to see that nothing good can come out of us when so much bad thinking holds us captive.

So the answer is to get rid of the negative thinking. It's not impossible.

Think about it.



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

Much Ado About Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a highly overrated catchall that seems to be designed to be an excuse for just about every abnormal or subnormal behavior that's around today. This is simply my never-to-be-too-humble opinion.

Self-esteem can be loosely defined as an one's estimate of one's worth or value. The unfortunate side of that definition is that it can be very easily based on invalid information. Our thoughts about ourselves can be notoriously unreliable.

The emotions created by one's estimate of one's worth can range from feeling painfully incapable of any good thing to being painfully assured that one can do anything. In other words one can feel woefully inferior or one can feel annoyingly arrogant based on that personal assessment and both assessments can be wrong.

That's a harsh statement, I know, but I get so tired of reading and hearing that low self-esteem is the basis for just about any failure in mankind from not doing homework to criminal behavior. But I never hear of high self-esteem being blamed for offenses ranging from disrespecting others to bullying.

I read of countless seminars where people who have been told they have poor self-esteem pay thousands and thousands of dollars looking for answers. Or they buy books and CDs by the boat load trying to improve their self-esteem.

Educators “teach” self-esteem. Legislators authorize self-esteem. Salespeople sell self-esteem. But very few people do anything about self-esteem.

Self-esteem can't be cured by thinking about it because it is caused by thinking about things. Our low self-esteem results from all the negative thinking that has accumulated over the years. It may be from rejection. It may be from hurtful words or unkind treatment by someone we trusted. It may be from a personal failure or pain over missed opportunities.

Our self-esteem is linked to our negative thinking and the best way to deal with low self-esteem is to get rid of the negative thinking. I'm not suggesting “positive” thinking or alternative thinking. We are created with an innate capacity to be happy. We too often allow the negative thinking to completely mask us from reality and good decisions. Control the negative thinking and find peace.

That's how I learned how to get rid of my anger several years ago. I know the concept works.

Stop using low self-esteem as an excuse. Get the negative thinking out of the way and you can find peace.

Go for it!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

I'm Too _______ (whatever) To Do Great Things

Do you think you're too young to accomplish something great? Too old to make a difference? All the people below prove that age is just a number and that no matter what your age, you can make your mark on the world, just like they did!

Before you start making your excuses, consider this list of accomplishments at all ages:

• At age 2, speed skater Bonnie Blair began skating. She later won five Olympic gold medals.


• At age 7, Asher Bradshaw is on his way to becoming a skateboarding pro.


• At age 10, Remmi Smith is the star of her own cooking show.


• At age 12, Aubree Oliverson has become an award-winning composer and violinist.


• At age 16, Errick Smith became the youngest person ever to fly both a plane and a helicopter solo.


• At age 21, college dropout Steven Jobs co-founded Apple Computer.


• At age 30, Nat Turner led a slave rebellion.


• At age 40, Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run.


• At age 50, Samuel Adams directed the Boston Tea Party.


• At age 60, Rod Peeks learned how to overcome years of anger; and at age 65, he developed a website to share that knowledge with thousands of people. It’s called Finding Personal Peace.


• At age 65, Colonel Harlan Sanders built a family recipe for fried chicken into a business empire now know as KFC.


• At age 69, Ronald Reagan became President of the United States.


• At age 70, fitness expert Jack LaLanne pulled 70 boats holding 70 people for 1.5 miles. And he did it wearing handcuffs and shackles!


• At age 75, Nelson Mandela was inaugurated President of South Africa.


• At age 78, Benjamin Franklin invented the bifocals.


• At age 78, Winston Churchill won the Nobel Prize for literature.


• At age 80, actor George Burns won an Oscar for his role in the movie “The Sunshine Boys”.


• At age 90, “Banana George” Blair went barefoot waterskiing – he became the oldest person to do so.


• At age 95, Nola Ochs received her Bachelor’s Degree and at age 98, she earned a Master’s Degree in liberal arts with a concentration in history, at which time she applied for a teaching position in her school’s history department.


• At age 100, Grandma Moses illustrated the famous book “The Night Before Christmas”.


• At age 109, Ruth Hamilton was the world’s oldest blogger.


• At age 121, Jeanne Louise Clement recorded a rap CD.

If you want to explore what people have accomplished at your age, click here.

Somebody (maybe it was you) said, “So some people have done good things at all kinds of ages. I can't do anything.”

Let's do an experiment. Ready?

1. Put your hand in front of your mouth.


2. Take a deep breath


3. Let the air out slowly.

What did you feel on your hand? What does this prove?

It proves that you are alive. If you're not alive, that is one huge barrier to accomplishing anything. But you don't have that excuse.

So what is keeping you from doing good, if not great, things?

It's all in your mind. You have allowed your mind to be filled with negative thinking. “I'm too old;” “I'm too young;” “I'm not smart enough;” “I can't do anything right;” and on and on.

When you learn how to break the shackles of all this negative thinking, who knows what you can do? Maybe nothing more than having a life filled with love that you can share with the whole world!!!

Go for it!


Findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

Have You Checked Your Tires Lately?

I'm not talking about the tires on your car, even though it's a good idea to check them. They could be under inflated or worn. They could be a safety hazard that could hurt you, your family, or someone else.

But I want you to think about your other tires. Think about the tires you're dragging around all the time.

Have you seen the ads on TV showing Tim Tebow flipping the HUGE tire over and over down the field?

Have you seen athletes working out dragging tires? They wear a strap around their waists attached by a strong cord to a large tire. They run around the field or track dragging the tire expecting to get stronger and expecting to develop better endurance. It makes sense to drag those tires around. Apparently it works.

Your tires are nothing like the athletes' tires. Your tires are emotional, not physical. Your tires wear you out and destroy you instead of building you up.

Your tires are worries and negative thoughts.

Earl Nightingale talked about worries. Let me paraphrase:

• 40% of the things we worry about will never happen. Why worry?


• 30% of the things we worry about are over and done with. Why worry?


• 12% of the things we worry about are needless concerns about our health and will probably not happen. Why worry?


• 10% of the things we worry about are petty, miscellaneous things that aren't worth our time. Why worry?


• 8% of the things we worry about are real, legitimate concerns about yourself and your family.

Ninety-two percent of the tires we drag around are things what will hurt us emotionally and physically if we keep dragging them around.

Ninety-two percent of the tires we drag around are NEGATIVE THOUGHTS that ultimately lead us to depression and stress; that will cause us to look for alternatives to the pain; that will destroy our relationships; that will cloud our thinking and our emotions so much that we can't effectively resolve the eight percent of things we ought to be worrying about.

Let me restate that. When our minds are so full of negative emotional thinking, we are hampering or limiting our ability to make good decisions about the things that are important.

Check Your Tires

Grab pen and paper. Make two columns: one headed “Good Tires” and the other headed “Bad Tires.” Over the next few days, just put check marks under the appropriate columns when you recall the kinds of thoughts that you've been dwelling on. Don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, just put the check marks in the appropriate column. In fact, if you find yourself dwelling on a negative thought, simply say to yourself, "I don't want to think about that anymore."

I predict that you'll be amazed how close your percentages are to Nightingale's percentages in the list above. You'll be discovering the true nature of the tires you're dragging around.

In fact, I invite you to save the link to this post and come back in 3-7 days with a comment about your tires. Tell us your percentages! This might be fun as well as enlightening.

God bless,


www.findingpersonalpeace.com

P.S. Click to view all my posts. Thanks.

Are You a Victim of Domestic Abuse?

Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

What are the characteristics of domestic abuse?

• It may be physical in the form of beating, hitting, shoving, using restraints


• It may be the threat of physical pain or abandonment.


• It may be emotional in the form of putdowns, name-calling and slurs, ridicule, belittling you, questioning your worth as a person, constantly criticizing you, or ignoring you.


• It may involve someone placing financial restrictions on you for the purpose of controlling you.


• If may involve efforts by someone to gain power or authority over you with the intent of making you  submissive


• It may involve limiting your ability to move around freely.


• It may involve limiting your contact with other people.


• It may involve demeaning your work or your contributions to your family and work.


• It may involve requiring participation in activities that are counter to your personal beliefs. Church dogma can be used as an abusive tool.


• If may be denying you respect and constantly questioning your actions and motives.


• If may fluctuate between periods of abuse and periods of profound expressions of love and respect.

Domestic abuse may be any of the above and more, because perpetrators can be very imaginative in their efforts to bring you under their control.

Are you being abused now, meaning in the current time-frame?

If so, you need to seek help to remove yourself and everyone dependent on you from danger. We've prepared a list of resources that you can call. They will treat your contact anonymously and they are trained to help you. Click here to see the list.

Whether ongoing or in the past . . .

Domestic abuse can cause tremendous emotional pain because you are being or have been hurt by someone you trusted; someone you loved. The rejection by a loved one is an incredible burden on your emotions.

The emotional pain is destructive because it can go on and on, again and again, long after the actual threat of abuse may have passed. You have thoughts (memories) of the abuse and when you dwell on those painful events, the emotional pain can actually become worse and worse because negative thoughts tend to grow with attention.

The goal of Finding Personal Peace is to show you a way to stop the emotional pain.

Your Plan of Action.

(1)                 Use resources available to you to free yourself of ongoing domestic abuse;

(2)                 Use Finding Personal Peace to stop the ongoing emotional pain.

You can do this. You must do this if you are the victim of domestic abuse

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Do You Have Sexual Issues?

Right up front – this is not a moralizing post rejecting or condemning any of your adult-only, mutually-consensual sexual activities. If you are involved in activities that you and another consenting adult enjoy, more power to you.

I'm also not going to try to post a tantalizing list of issues here. I'm sure the imagination of men and women to enjoy sex far outreaches my ability to enumerate their creativity.

So I'll try to make some points in categorical terms being as specific as I can.

(1)     If you're involved in sexual activity or have been involved in sexual activity in the past that causes you to feel guilty, ashamed, or causes you to have continuing negative emotions, you need to do something about that. We'll suggest something later that might help.

(2)     If you're involved in sexual activity with a child, you definitely need to do something about that. Children cannot legally give consent so don't even begin to think or hint differently.

(3)     If you're involved in sexual activity with a consenting almost-adult under the legal age of consent, you're treading on dangerous ground and you need to do something about that; especially if you're over the age of consent.

(4)     If you're involved in sexual activity with an adult who does not willingly give consent, you need to do something about that. Stop rationalizing with things like “I have a right ..., etc.”

(5)     If you're involved in sexual activity that hurts your partner emotionally, even though they may give consent in the heat of passion, you need to do something about that.

(6)     If you use sexual activity to gain power or leverage over another person, you need to do something about that.

(7)     If you are the victim of sexual assault, and that assault continues to haunt you emotionally, you need to do something about that. The choices about what you can and should do will become easier as you gain control over your negative thinking.

Seven times we've said, “You need to do something about that.” So what do you do? Here's what we suggest:

Sexual activity always begins with a thought. You can't use the expression made popular by the 1970s comedian, Flip Wilson, “The devil made me do it.” In actuality, “the devil only made you think about it.” What you do from there is under your control.

From the victim's perspective, the pain is revisited after a negative thought pops into your mind.

So when the thought occurs that may lead to one of the issues in the list above, you have it within your power to deal with and dismiss that negative thought before passion or pain overwhelm common sense.

When you exercise the power and authority you have over your thoughts, you're in a position to make rational decisions about how you deal with unsatisfying situation.

The only objective of Finding Personal Peace is for you to know that you are the master of your thoughts; even thoughts as powerful as anticipated sexual desire or the remembrance of sexual pain.

God bless,



findingpersonalpeace.com

We Need Your Help!

Finding Personal Peace has been published for about two months now. The response has been gratifying. Just today a pastor who reviewed it described it saying, “This is incredible. It's so well done and the potential for helping people is enormous.”

We'd like to make an effort over the next few weeks to seriously validate the course.

To that end, we're posting the following advertisement on several of the social media sites and forums.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would Some Personal Peace Today be Nice?

We're looking for 100 volunteers to help us validate a promising new on-line course, Finding Personal Peace, that shows you how to find some personal peace in just about any emotional circumstance.

We will make it worth your while to volunteer by offering some valuable coupons that you can redeem. The value of the coupons may be as much as $500 or more.

If you want to know more about the project and about volunteering to help, please send an email to volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com. We'll send the details right back to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you know someone who would be willing to help us, please pass this along to them.

We need a strong test to make sure the course works under the kind of load we expect to have as the word gets around.

If you know someone who would like some personal peace; or who would like the chance to redeem some pretty valuable gifts; or who would simply like to help us help others; please send an email to the email address below. Thanks

All the best!



Rod @ Finding Personal Peace
volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com

Do You Have Emotional Pain?

We all understand physical pain. We get hurt; it heals; the pain goes away. Very few of us relive the physical event again and experience the pain again. It remains in our mind as“an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful,” says Dr. Kip Williams from Purdue University.

On the other hand, emotional pain tends to linger, in no small part, because we continue to rethink the emotional hurt that caused the pain. The event remains fresh in our minds; and, in fact, may become more intense with the replaying of it.

In the brain, pain is pain.

Studies show that to the brain, heartbreak and emotional torment are no different from having hot coffee spilled on your hand. The stimuli produce nearly identical brain reactions." The understanding growing among pain researchers is that, in your brains, physical and social pain share much the same neural circuitry. In many ways, in fact, your brain may scarcely make a distinction between a verbal and physical insult.

CNN reported that “getting burned and getting dumped feel exactly the same.”

Researchers at the University of Florida found that acetaminophen (the major ingredient of Tylenol) relieved emotional pain similarly to how it relieved physical pain.

Emotional Pain is Natural

Emotional pain is as natural as physical pain. How can we not feel grief at the loss of a loved one or remorse at the loss of dreams? How can we not be resentful when we are ill-treated? Who isn't sad when circumstances cause us to be alone or financial loss causes us to fear for the future?

The danger is not in feeling the natural emotional pain. The danger is reliving the emotional pain through rumination with the impact of the emotional pain growing until it becomes debilitating.

Most physical pain is temporary – it happens and it heals. Some people of the ability to absorb an emotional blow, hurt temporarily, and then let the wound heal just as if it were physical.

Many, if not most, of us don't handle emotional pain so readily. My own story is that I carried around anger for years against someone who had hurt my family. I replayed that pain every time a thought popped up that reminded me of the hurt.

Can you identify with that? Do you know someone living with recurring emotional pain?

We've already seen in earlier posts that negative emotions can lead to depression, stress, and physical illness. They can lead to broken relationships, shame, and guilt; even to self-mutilation and suicide.

Common wisdom says that pain must be pursued to its source and dealt with much like a wound has to be lanced to clear out the infection.

The irony is that such treatment causes us to explore and relive the event and thus reinforces the pain rather than relieving it.

A better way might be to learn how to properly handle the negative thinking that launches us into episodes of reliving the pain. I handled my negative thinking and was so impressed by how well it worked that I wrote the online course, Finding Personal Peace. I want to share this concept with anybody in the grasp of emotional pain.

Click here to learn more.

God bless,

Are You Stressed?

Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger – whether its real or imagined – the body's defenses kick into high gear, causing stress.

Survival Stress - You may have heard the phrase "fight or flight" before. This is a common response to danger in all people and animals. When you are afraid that someone or something may physically hurt you, your body naturally responds with a burst of energy so that you will be better able to survive the dangerous situation (fight) or escape it all together (flight).

Internal Stress - Have you ever caught yourself worrying about things you can do nothing about or worrying for no reason at all? This is internal stress and it is one of the most important kinds of stress to understand and manage. Internal stress is when people make themselves stressed. This often happens when we worry about things we can't control or put ourselves in situations we know will cause us stress. Some people become addicted to the kind of hurried, tense, lifestyle that results from being under stress. They even look for stressful situations and feel stress about things that aren't stressful.

Environmental Stress - This is a response to things around you that cause stress, such as noise, crowding, and pressure from work or family. Identifying these environmental stresses and learning to avoid them or deal with them will help lower your stress level.

Fatigue and Overwork - This kind of stress builds up over a long time and can take a hard toll on your body. It can be caused by working too much or too hard at your job(s), school, or home. It can also be caused by not knowing how to manage your time well or how to take time out for rest and relaxation. This can be one of the hardest kinds of stress to avoid because many people feel this is out of their control.

The effects of chronic stress

The body doesn’t distinguish between physical and psychological threats. Whether you're stressed over a busy schedule, an argument with a friend, a traffic jam, or a mountain of bills, your body reacts just as strongly as if you were facing a life-or-death situation. If you have a lot of responsibilities and worries, your emergency stress response may be “on” most of the time. The more your body's stress system is activated, the easier it is to trip and the harder it is to shut off.

Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body.

• It can raise blood pressure


• It can suppress the immune system


• It can increase the risk of heart attack and stroke


• It can contribute to infertility


• It can speed up the aging process.


• It can leave you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Since internal stress is a normal reaction to your worrying or stewing over mostly negative issues, does it make sense that having a good way to control how you think about negative issues would be beneficial to you?

That's what we offer you through Finding Personal Peace. Controlling the negative thinking that results in stress could make you a much happier person.

Think about it.



P.S. When you’re done thinking, click here for more information.

Are You Agoraphobic?

A person with agoraphobia fears being in places where there is a chance of having a panic attack that people may witness, and getting away rapidly may be difficult. Because of these fears the sufferer will deliberately avoid such places - which may include crowded areas, special events, queues (standing in line), buses and trains, shops and shopping centers, and airplanes.

The physical symptoms of agoraphobia, which usually occur when people find themselves in a situation or environment that causes them anxiety may include accelerated heart beat, rapid and shallow breathing (hyperventilating), feeling hot, flushing, stomach upset, diarrhea, trouble swallowing, breaking out in a sweat, nausea, trembling, dizziness, feeling light-headed, as if one were about to faint, and ringing in the ears.

Physical symptoms are rare because most people with agoraphobia avoid situations that they believe will trigger panic,

There may also be a fear that people will notice a panic attack, causing humiliation and embarrassment; fear that during a panic attack their heart might stop, or they won't be able to breathe, and may die; and fear that the sufferer himself/herself is going crazy.

There may be other general symptoms such as low self-confidence and self-esteem; a feeling a loss of control; depression; a feeling of dread and anxiety; thinking that without the help of others the sufferer himself/herself would never be able to function or survive; and a dread of being left alone.

Symptoms may range from mild shyness to never leaving home for fear of a panic attack.

Typical treatments include a range of medications and psychotherapy.

Wouldn't it be nice if the agoraphobic had a simple way of recognizing when the negative thoughts pop up and dealing with the negative thought immediately before all the other symptoms manifest themselves?

That's what Finding Personal Peace offers you – a way to deal with issues at the initial thought level before the onset of physical and psychological symptoms.

Are you agoraphobic or do you know someone who is? Pass the post along and then click here for more information.

God bless,

Are You Addicted? Are You Sure?

I asked the second question in the title because I had always thought of addictions in the very narrow scope of drugs, alcohol, or the like which could radically impair or kill me. My reading tells me that I am addicted because I have other actions that I do almost compulsively to avoid pain or to restore happiness.

Most contemporary resources like psychologytoday.com define addiction thusly: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities. That definition takes the responsibility for addiction away from the individual and puts it on the drug or the pleasurable activity that ensnares us so readily. True, we must first make the decision to try the substance or activity. But its the drug or activity that addicts us.

Why do we seek these pleasurable things?

Ex-addict, William, in his blog, says, “At the root of all addiction is pain.” He goes on, “It is humans who get addicted out of fear of the darkness within, and not drugs that are addictive.”

Dr. Richard Carlson says in “You Can Be Happy, No Matter What” that “a habit is a thought that you have accepted as truth.”

He goes on to say that “Happiness is a positive feeling that exists inside you.” When we lose touch with that positive feeling, we knowingly or unknowingly attempt to get it back. “When you don’t understand the dynamics of your own mind, you innocently attempt to get your positive feeling back through outside sources – which can be the beginning of bad habits.” Carlson uses the words “addictions” and “habits” interchangeably.

When we accept our thoughts as truth and our thoughts are negative, then the truth can become something very frightening or dark as William described it in his blog.

Carlson says, “Some popular substitutes for a contented state of mind are alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, exercise, gambling, sex, and work. A few of the more subtle forms include arguing, proving yourself, and seeking approval.”

So by this very-common-sense definition of addiction, it becomes apparent that many of us have allowed ourselves to become addicts to something in an attempt to restore happiness. In my case, I am addicted to fast food and work.

For your convenience, I've published a partial list of addictions whereby you can decide for yourself if some of your “habits” might in fact be addictions. Click here for the list. Oh, after reviewing the list, I'll have to add chocolate as one of my addictions.

It appears that when we lose our feelings of happiness, which typically happens when we allow ourselves to ruminate more and more on negative things, we begin to search for things to restore that lost happiness or to block the fear or loss. The things that make us feel happy, even for a short period of time, are the things we tend to do again and again until the quest for happiness becomes a habit or addiction.

Some of these habits are simply annoying. Others are disruptive of a productive lifestyle. Others are destructive to ourselves or others; and others have the capacity to become criminal.

Think about this. Instead of masking the unhappiness with a substitute substance or activity, wouldn’t it be better if we could stop the negative thinking that is stealing our unhappiness? Or wouldn't it be nice to deal with the thoughts of the pleasure that precede the addictive act before it's repeated?

That's exactly what we show you how to do in “Finding Personal Peace.” We show you how to restore “peace” or “happiness” by appropriately handing the negative thinking that destroys your happiness.

Did you find yourself on the list? Are there habits/addictions from which you would like to be free? That's entirely possible for you. Take a look at Finding Personal Peace.

God bless,

Are You Angry?

Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what's the best way to handle it? To answer that question, we must first understand what anger really is. Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. It’s defined in the Greek language as the strongest of all passions. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.

Ruminating, or dwelling, on your anger isn't actually helpful. Studies show that, among other things, those who have a tendency to ruminate over situations that have made them angry in their past tend to experience higher blood pressure as a result, putting them at greater risk for organ damage and associated health problems. Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not.

We're always encouraged to talk through our anger. Discussing your anger is a tricky thing. Talking about your anger with a trusted friend can be an effective strategy for dealing with anger -- to a point. It can help you better understand your feelings, brainstorm problem-solving strategies, and strengthen your relationship.

But there's also evidence that repeatedly discussing your anger with your friends can actually make you both feel worse, and increase stress hormones in your blood for both of you. Most of us have been involved in conversations that are basically complaint sessions or downward spirals of negative emotion. We can show you a more effective way.

Anger can make you sick

Like poorly managed stress, anger that isn’t handled in a healthy way can be not only uncomfortable, but even damaging to one's health and personal life.

One study looked at anger problems in husbands and wives. There is evidence that anger problems and depressive symptoms have been linked to all major causes of death, but found that wives specifically found a greater association between anger and symptoms of depression, while men tended to instead experience an association between anger and health problems.

According to another study, those who had less control over their anger tended to heal more slowly from wounds.

Yet another study showed that men with higher rates of hostility not only had poorer pulmonary functioning (breathing problems), but experienced higher rates of decline as they aged.

We don't have room here to mention the social implications of anger: broken relationships, transferring anger to spouse, children and friends; spontaneous acts that can lead to hurting someone and maybe criminal behavior, and much more.

Because poorly managed anger presents such a significant problem in so many areas of life, it's important to take steps toward learning an effective way of dealing with anger.

Every angry episode begins with a single negative thought. ‘Finding Personal Peace’ shows you how to effectively deal with angry thoughts before they escalate to a more painful level.

You really can find personal peace starting today.

God bless,



P.S. Click here to begin your quest to defeat anger in your life.
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