Help Someone You Love Deal with Lying Simply and Effectively

Deception and lying are rampant in our world today. This article shows way to deal with this behavior in a simple and effective way in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

According to Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com), “studies show that the average person lies several times a day. Some of those are biggies: “I’ve been faithful to you.” Others are par for the course: “No, your new dress looks good.” Some forms of deception aren’t exactly lies: comb-overs, nodding when you’re not listening. And then there are lies we tell ourselves, as part of healthy self-esteem maintenance or serious delusions. In the end, it appears that we can’t handle the truth.”

Wikipedia show the extent of lying in our society with at least 28 examples, most of which most of us would consider harmless.

• Bad faith - A failure to acknowledge one's own ability to act, one's possibilities and one’sl imitations.
• Barefaced or bald-faced lie. A lie is one that is obviously a lie to those hearing it.
• Big Lie - A lie which attempts to trick the victim into believing something major often contrary to their common sense.
• Bluffing - Pretending to have a capability or intention one does not actually possess. This is not considered to be morally wrong in the context of a game, such as bluffing in a poker game.
• Bullshit is often used to make the audience believe that one knows far more about the topic that one actually knows.
• Butler lie – Often used to terminate conversations or to save face as in "I have to go, the waiter is here" or “Someone is at the door.”
• Contextual lie is stating part of the truth out of context, knowing that without complete information, it gives a false impression.
• Economy with the truth is either volunteering false information (i.e., lying) or by deliberately holding back relevant facts. It describes a careful use of facts so as not to reveal too much information, as in speaking carefully.
• Emergency lie - A strategic lie told when the truth may not be told because, for example, harm to a third party would result. For example, a neighbor might lie to an enraged husband about the whereabouts of his wife because the husband might reasonably be expected to inflict physical injury to his wife in person.
• Exaggeration (hyperbole) - the most fundamental aspects of a statement are true, but only to a certain degree. It is also seen as "stretching the truth."
• Fabrication - Submitting a statement as truth, without knowing for certain whether or not it actually is true or not based on facts.
• Fib - A lie told with no malicious intent and little consequence.
• Half-truth - A deceptive statement that includes some element of truth or it might be partly true.
• Haystack answer - A volume of false or irrelevant information, possibly containing a true fact (the needle in the "haystack").
• Honest lie - Verbal statements or actions that inaccurately describe history, background, and present situations with no intent to deceive and the individual is unaware that their information is false.
• Jocose (jocular) lie – A statement meant in jest, intended to be understood as such by all present parties. Teasing and irony are examples.
• Lie-to-children – Lies commonly told to make an adult subject acceptable to children such as "The stork brought you" (in reference to childbirth) and the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny.
• Lying by omission – This lie occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception.
• Lying in trade - Untrue facts about the product or service that are told in order to gain sales, especially by competitive advantage.
• Lying through your teeth – Lying face-to-face with the intended recipient; also lying with a smile or other patronizing tone or body language.
• Minimization - The opposite of exaggeration and involves denial coupled with rationalization in situations where complete denial is implausible.
• Misleading and Dissembling - There is no outright lie, but still retains the purpose of getting someone to believe in an untruth. Dissembling likewise describes the presentation of facts in a way that is literally true, but intentionally misleading.
• Noble lie - One that would normally cause discord if uncovered, but offers some benefit to the liar and assists in an orderly society, therefore, potentially beneficial to others. It is often told to maintain law, order and safety.
• Perjury - The act of lying or making verifiably false statements on a material matter under oath or affirmation in a court of law, or in any of various sworn statements in writing. Perjury is a crime, because the witness has sworn to tell the truth and, for the credibility of the court to remain intact, witness testimony must be relied on as truthful.
• Polite lie - A lie that a politeness standard requires, and which is usually known to be untrue by both parties such as declining invitations because of "scheduling difficulties."
• Puffery - An exaggerated claim typically found in advertising and publicity announcements, such as "the highest quality at the lowest price," or "always votes in the best interest of all the people."
• View from Nowhere - Refers to journalism and analysis that misinform the audience by creating the impression that opposing parties to an issue have equal correctness and validity, even when the truth of their claims are mutually exclusive.
• White lie - Minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good. Examples might be “It’s so good to see you” and “What a lovely dress you’re wearing today,” when to speak the truth would cause embarrassment or pain.

I’ve included all these definitions because I found them interesting and illuminating.

Lying knowingly may cause anxiety, guilt, or self-esteem issues; even though lying is often used to compensate for low self-esteem.

Whatever the degree of your lying, if it’s causing you some anxiety and that anxiety is preventing you from doing good things for yourself; such as rationally considering options and making good decisions, you need to deal with your habit of lying.

If your lying is costing you the respect of business, professional, or social peers, you need to deal with your habit of lying.

Effectively dealing in truth instead of lies is essential for good relationships and for your emotional peace. If you struggle with the lying too long, it may become harmful to you.

Every lie is triggered by a thought and by your decision to respond with something less than the truth. Such thoughts can cause anxiety, guilt, shame, and a crowd of other emotions. If your reaction to the thoughts causes you enough emotional stress, it can be harmful to you and you need to deal with it.

Right now, I want you to pause and think about the thought that initiated the last lie you told. But DON’T dwell on it. Immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again, “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll discover that the thought causing you to think about lying will go away every time you demand that it go away.  

This solution for lying is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control lying is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the innate authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought makes you consider lying, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice! As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your chosen response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like to lie. To be helpful to you, your subconscious gives you all the thoughts it can to reinforce what you like to think about – lying and deception.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to be like that anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of lying.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking lie-inducing thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

When you begin to have periods of peace instead of anxiety about lying, you are in a position to make better decisions about other life issues as appropriate.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind respond to your anxiety about lying for you before you even consciously think about it. How cool is that?

Resources you can use

Help someone you love deal with lying simply and effectively. Check it out at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s038.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you in addition to dealing with lying.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you with lying issues as much as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

www.findingpersonalpeace.com/s038