Help Someone You Love Deal With Being an Abuser Simply and Effectively

Perpetrators of abuse are often driven to act out their anger on others – on their victims. It may take professional help to deal with deep-seated issues. Or it may not. You can find personal peace in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

If you’re an abuser . . .

• You may demonstrate impulsive behavior. Very likely there is little thought given to the consequences of their behavior. Some simple trigger may have caused the thought that resulted in abuse.
• You may exhibit rapid mood changes that may result in violent behavior. A word or action may trigger the thought the ends in abuse.
• You may be chronically depressed. Rational thought may be overwhelmed by the depression. Some thought in the darkness of depression may be the trigger of abuse.
• You may be trying to transfer some of your pain to your victims. Again there would almost always be negative thoughts feeding the depression and the abuse.

A suicidal abuser may rationalize that since he’s probably going to die anyway, it may be easier to abuse. What’s to lose?

A victim of abuse is much more likely to become an abuser. You excuse your actions by rationalizing that you can’t help it.

Drugs and alcohol may lead to abusive behavior. The desire to drink or use drugs usually begins with some thought or desire and is often used as an excuse for the behavior.

A spousal abuser may use the excuse that the thought of the shame of separation justifies the use of force to keep the spouse under their power.

A common thread in all these examples is that a thought serves as a trigger to the abusive act. If the abuser is so inclined, he/she can probably predict the buildup to an abusive episode by recognizing those thoughts that serve as triggers.

The simple fact is that the abuser can recognize the thought and make the decision to NOT think that thought.

You will soon discover that the negative thought leading to abuse will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away.  

If you're an abuser, this solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that leads to abusing someone is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not to think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud, "I will not to think about that."

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If you recognize a thought that typically leads to abusing someone, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice. In the moments of clarity that comes in the absence of that thought, it’s possible to remove yourself from the situation to avoid abusing someone.

As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like being an abuser. And your ever-helpful subconscious will continue to give you thoughts that it thinks you like.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of hurting others.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking negative thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your abusive thoughts for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

Help someone you love deal with being an abuser. Take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s008.

If you need help dealing with being an abuser, click http://findingpersonalpeace.com/student/hotlines.pdf to find resources that can help you.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you including being an abuser.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much with being an abuser as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

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