Josh’s Story – Cutting and Self Hurting

This is a true story about a boy I know. I don’t know much of his background, but I know enough that it breaks my heart. I’ll call him Josh.

Body

Josh is 10. He's the cutest, brightest kid - when he's in public. But he has a far different private life. I first learned his story when a prayer request was shared about him. He was in the psych unit of a local hospital. It seems that Josh has tried two times in recent months to take his own life at school; and he has marks all over his arms where he cuts himself with his fingernails. Josh has had a traumatic life – a life we wouldn’t wish on anybody. But it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

His story made me want to learn a little more about cutting.

Here’s what Kid’s Health says about cutting

“Injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object — enough to break the skin and make it bleed — is called cutting. Cutting is a type of self-injury, or SI. People who cut often start cutting in their young teens. Some continue to cut into adulthood.

People may cut themselves on their wrists, arms, legs, or bellies. Some people self-injure by burning their skin with the end of a cigarette or lighted match.

When cuts or burns heal, they often leave scars or marks. People who injure themselves usually hide the cuts and marks and sometimes no one else knows.”
(http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html)

The Mayo Clinic contributes this:

“Self-injury, also called self-harm, is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's typically not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.

While self-injury may bring a momentary sense of calm and a release of tension, it's usually followed by guilt and shame and the return of painful emotions. And with self-injury comes the possibility of more serious and even fatal self-aggressive actions.

Because self-injury is often done impulsively, it can be considered an impulse-control behavior problem. Self-injury may be linked to a variety of mental disorders, such as depression, eating disorders and borderline personality disorder.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-injury/DS00775

HelpGuide.Org describes other symptoms of self harm:

Self-harm includes anything you do to intentionally injure yourself. Some of the more common ways include:

·        cutting or severely scratching your skin

·        burning or scalding yourself

·        hitting yourself or banging your head

·        punching things or throwing your body against walls and hard objects

·        sticking objects into your skin

·        intentionally preventing wounds from healing

·        swallowing poisonous substances or inappropriate objects

They also describe warning signs that a family member or friend is cutting or self-injuring

Because clothing can hide physical injuries, and inner turmoil can be covered up by a seemingly calm disposition, self-injury can be hard to detect. However, there are red flags you can look for (but remember—you don’t have to be sure that you know what’s going on in order to reach out to someone you’re worried about):

·        Unexplained wounds or scars from cuts, bruises, or burns, usually on the wrists, arms, thighs, or chest.

·        Blood stains on clothing, towels, or bedding; blood-soaked tissues.

·        Sharp objects or cutting instruments, such as razors, knives, needles, glass shards, or bottle caps, in the person’s belongings.

·        Frequent “accidents.” Someone who self-harms may claim to be clumsy or have many mishaps, in order to explain away injuries.

·        Covering up. A person who self-injures may insist on wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather.

·        Needing to be alone for long periods of time, especially in the bedroom or bathroom.

·        Isolation and irritability.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

The Mayo Clinic talks about traditional forms of treatment:

Several types of individual psychotherapy may be helpful, such as:

·        Cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps you identify unhealthy, negative beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, positive ones.

·        Dialectical behavior therapy, a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that teaches behavioral skills to help you tolerate distress, manage or regulate your emotions, and improve your relationships with others.

·        Psychodynamic psychotherapy, which focuses on identifying past experiences, hidden memories or interpersonal issues at the root of your emotional difficulties through self-examination guided by a therapist.

·        Mindfulness-based therapies, which help you live in the present, appropriately perceive the thoughts and actions of those around you to reduce your anxiety and depression, and improve your general well-being.

 In addition to individual therapy sessions, family therapy or group therapy also may be recommended.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-injury/DS00775/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs

I find it interesting that the therapy for dealing with cutting or self-hurting is to relive and try to understand the painful event that cause the desire to hurt in the first place.

WikiHelp has a four-step recommendation about “curing” cutting:

1.      Go beyond medication: There is a cure for teen cutting and adult self harm. Unfortunately the most common way to treat teen and adult self injury has been with medication. Medication is not the best treatment for self harm; this is due to the fact that medication can never get to the real root cause of the cutting.

2.      Recognize you are being pushed: Self harm is caused by the fact that the cutter has been pushed against a wall and has no way out; when you are stressed and pushed you need an outlet. Even animals that are locked in cages and mistreated will start to self harm. Cutters are actually some of the most intelligent people; they have a great insight how the world operates and they know that they are very dissatisfied. Cutting becomes the solution to a stress that the cutter is facing. This is because cutting works, it is not a good solution but it is the only solution the cutter sees. Anyone who is cutting him or herself has been emptied, they are empty and depressed. This depression can lead to suicidal thoughts if the cutter is not careful.

3.      Studies in Ireland show that many cutters do think often about suicide and cutters are depressed even if they do not realize it. The problem was not caused by the person self harming, it was others who pushed the person self harming against a wall. Often family, school or relationship problems can cause a person to turn on their own self. The emptiness of the cutter can be healed without medication or therapy. There is a new technique that has been helping those who cut in an incredible way There is a new technique from the “Red Report: Self Harm” that has been helping many people with teen and adult cutting in an amazing way.

4.      De-activate a cutting thought:The new approach reported by a filmmaker in The "Red Report:Self harm" that has been having great success with self injury, it involves no doctors, and no therapy; actually the depressed person heals alone by deactivating a cutting thought. Scientific studies have confirmed that you can deactivate a cutting thought. You are filled back up, replacing with is missing and causing the self harm. You heal yourself alone and this cutting self help is effective. It is an inside-out treatment that has been helping teens and adults. Do not wait for teen and adult cutting self injury to just go away you must take charge now

http://www.wikihow.com/Cure-Teen-and-Adult-Cutting

It’s this last point that I want to build on here where it talks about a “cutting thought.”

Self harm results from emotions raging wild and causing the victim to feel that they have no way out. Cutting substitutes real pain for the emotional pain.

The ongoing emotional pain is caused by actively ruminating on the painful event. Thinking about the event may be occasional or it may be all the time. The event isn’t happening again; it’s just being relived by thinking about it again and again.

Every episode of cutting is triggered by a thought and by your decision to dwell on that thought.

Right now, I want you to pause and think about the thought that initiated your last episode of self hurting. But DON’T dwell on it. Immediately say to yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again, “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll discover that the thought prompting you to hurt yourself will go away every time you demand that it go away.  

This solution for self-hurting is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control self-hurting is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud. It may help if you specifically name the event that you’re refusing to think about. For example, "I will not think about when he touched me there,” or whatever.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought makes you consider hurting yourself, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice! As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your chosen response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like to hurt yourself. To be helpful to you and make you happy, your subconscious gives you all the thoughts it can to reinforce what you like to think about – hurting yourself.

The process of choosing not to dwell on thoughts of hurting yourself will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to be like that anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of hurting yourself.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking self-hurting thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

When you begin to have periods of peace instead of anxiety about the hurtful event, you are in a position to make better decisions about other life issues as appropriate.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your self-hurting for you before you even consciously think about it. How cool is that?

Even someone Josh’s age can learn to say “I’m not going to think about that” when a cutting thought pops into his mind. He may not be able to take the course, but an adult could take it and share it with Josh.

Resources you can use

Help yourself or someone you love deal with cutting simply and effectively. Check it out at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r000.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you in addition to dealing with self-hurting.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you with self-hurting as much as it has helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks