Help Someone You Love Deal With Domestic Violence Simply and Effectively

Victims of ongoing domestic violence really should get help immediately. See the link at the bottom. If the abuse has ended but the memories persist, you can find personal peace in a simple, effective, and painless way right in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

People carry deeply embedded memories of past domestic violence. These memories make the recollection almost as painful as the original offense.

Domestic violence is particularly destructive because it touches so many areas in our lives.

(1)   It’s a trust issue when someone in whom we trusted betrayed us by hurting us.

(2)   It’s a fear issue when we worry about a recurrence of the domestic violence even though it may have been years ago.

(3)   It’s a self-esteem issue when we blame ourselves for somehow bringing the violence upon ourselves or for making our abuser angry.

(4)   It’s an anger issue when rage against the outrage of domestic violence against us becomes overwhelming.

(5)   It’s a relationship issue when the domestic violence done against us blocks our ability to have intimacy with another person even though they weren’t part of the original abuse.

(6)   It’s a loss issue in that something valuable has been taken from you by domestic violence that can never be returned.

The domestic violence leading to our anxiety may have occurred in a place that we expected to be secure: in our home, in our marriage or relationship. This is particularly offensive because it damages our ability to trust again.

All these reactions are triggered by a thought that brings the act of violence to the forefront of our attention once again. The thought could be triggered by a word, a smell, a sound, almost anything.

If we let those thoughts lead us to violence anxiety, to becoming overwhelmed, or to being incapable of dealing with the daily routine of life, we need to do something about it.

In a moment, you’ll see a very simple process you can use as often as you like to overcome your violence-inspired anxiety. Because I don’t want to leave you upset, I’m going to tell you about it and then direct you to try it – after you know what to expect.

I have probably led you to some painful thoughts already, especially if you are the victim of past abuse. I want to do say to yourself, out loud, right now, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again; and again, and again. “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll soon discover that the thoughts that lead to violence anxiety will diminish initially and eventually disappear over a period of time. They will go away every time you demand that they go away.  

Dealing with domestic-violence anxiety is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control such thinking is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not think about that." Do it as often as necessary every time a domestic-violence thought pops into your mind, "I will not think about that."

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the innate authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you to have violence anxiety, don’t think that thought! It’s your choice. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. This could happen in just days or weeks.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you may actually like being a victim of violence. Since your subconscious wants to please you, it will begin to give you more and more of the thoughts it thinks you like: thoughts that lead to domestic-violence anxiety.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those domestic-violence thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of being a victim.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking those violence-inspired thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your domestic-violence anxiety for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

Help someone you love effectively deal with domestic violence. Take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s023.     

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you in addition to the domestic-violence anxiety.

If you need help with an ongoing domestic violence situation, click http://findingpersonalpeace.com/student/hotlines.pdf to find resources that can help you.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much dealing with violence anxiety as it helped me with my anger problem.

Rod Peeks

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Help Someone You Love Deal With Being an Abuser Simply and Effectively

Perpetrators of abuse are often driven to act out their anger on others – on their victims. It may take professional help to deal with deep-seated issues. Or it may not. You can find personal peace in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

If you’re an abuser . . .

• You may demonstrate impulsive behavior. Very likely there is little thought given to the consequences of their behavior. Some simple trigger may have caused the thought that resulted in abuse.
• You may exhibit rapid mood changes that may result in violent behavior. A word or action may trigger the thought the ends in abuse.
• You may be chronically depressed. Rational thought may be overwhelmed by the depression. Some thought in the darkness of depression may be the trigger of abuse.
• You may be trying to transfer some of your pain to your victims. Again there would almost always be negative thoughts feeding the depression and the abuse.

A suicidal abuser may rationalize that since he’s probably going to die anyway, it may be easier to abuse. What’s to lose?

A victim of abuse is much more likely to become an abuser. You excuse your actions by rationalizing that you can’t help it.

Drugs and alcohol may lead to abusive behavior. The desire to drink or use drugs usually begins with some thought or desire and is often used as an excuse for the behavior.

A spousal abuser may use the excuse that the thought of the shame of separation justifies the use of force to keep the spouse under their power.

A common thread in all these examples is that a thought serves as a trigger to the abusive act. If the abuser is so inclined, he/she can probably predict the buildup to an abusive episode by recognizing those thoughts that serve as triggers.

The simple fact is that the abuser can recognize the thought and make the decision to NOT think that thought.

You will soon discover that the negative thought leading to abuse will go away. It will go away every time you demand that it go away.  

If you're an abuser, this solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that leads to abusing someone is to say to yourself, out loud, "I will not to think about that." Do it as often as necessary and do it out loud, "I will not to think about that."

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If you recognize a thought that typically leads to abusing someone, don’t think that thought. It’s your choice. In the moments of clarity that comes in the absence of that thought, it’s possible to remove yourself from the situation to avoid abusing someone.

As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like being an abuser. And your ever-helpful subconscious will continue to give you thoughts that it thinks you like.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of hurting others.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking negative thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your abusive thoughts for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

Help someone you love deal with being an abuser. Take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s008.

If you need help dealing with being an abuser, click http://findingpersonalpeace.com/student/hotlines.pdf to find resources that can help you.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you including being an abuser.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much with being an abuser as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!