Childhood Memories

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="140"] Memories - The Best and The Worst of Life[/caption]

All of us have memories of childhood. I trust that many have pleasant memories of family, friends, and good times.

Unfortunately, far too many people have memories that are still causing us pain today.

The small amount of Googling I did failed to produce a percentage of families that are dysfunctional. It’s hard to define dysfunctional because it could be said that anything that is not normal is dysfunctional. Then what is normal? It becomes a logical circle.

Unhealthy childhood memories

Do you have memories of your childhood that include any of these characteristics?

• Unrealistic expectations


• Ridicule


• Conditional love


• Disrespect; especially contempt


• Emotional intolerance (family members not allowed to express the "wrong" emotions)


• Social dysfunction or isolation (for example, parents unwilling to reach out to other families—especially those with children of the same gender and approximate age, or do nothing to help their "friendless" child)


• Stifled speech (children not allowed to dissent or question authority)


• Denial of an "inner life" (children are not allowed to develop their own value systems) maybe due to dogmatic or cult-like parenting.


• Being under- or over-protective


• Apathy "I don't care!"


• Sibling abuse


• Abandonment


• Belittling "You can't do anything right!"


• Shame "Shame on you!"


• Bitterness (regardless of what is said, using a bitter tone of voice)


• Hypocrisy "Do as I say, not as I do"


• Unforgiving "Saying sorry doesn't help anything!"


• Judgmental statements or demonization "You are a liar!"


• Either no helpful criticism or excessive criticism


• Absentee parents (seldom available for their child due to work overload, alcohol/drug abuse, gambling or other addictions)


• Giving to one child what rightly belongs to another


• Gender prejudice (treats one gender of children fairly; the other unfairly)


• Discussion and exposure to sexuality: either too much, too soon or too little, too late


• Abuse (parents who use physical violence, or emotionally, or sexually abuse their children)


• Appeasement – rewarding faulty behavior to maintain peace


• Faulty discipline (i.e. punishment by "surprise") based more on emotions or family politics than established rules


• Expecting perfection (fixating on order, prestige, power, and/or perfect appearances, while preventing their child from failing at anything)


• Overly protective – trying to prepare or protect a child in every contingency instead of letting the child learn how to deal with issues as they come along.


• Having an unpredictable emotional state due to substance abuse, personality disorder(s), or stress


• Parents always (or never) take their children's side when others report acts of misbehavior, or teachers report problems at school


• Scapegoating (knowingly or recklessly blaming one child for the misdeeds of another)


• "Tunnel vision" diagnosis of children's problems (for example, a parent may think their child is either lazy or has learning disabilities after he falls behind in school despite recent absence due to illness)


• Older siblings given either no or excessive authority over younger siblings with respect to their age difference and level of maturity


• Frequent withholding of consent ("blessing") for culturally common, lawful, and age-appropriate activities a child wants to take part in


• The "know-it-all" (has no need to obtain child's side of the story when accusing, or listen to child's opinions on matters which greatly impact them)


• Nature vs. nurture (parents, often non-biological, blame common problems on child's heredity, whereas faulty parenting may be the actual cause)

I'm not trying to ruin your day

I’m not trying to ruin your day by dredging up awful memories from your past. If I’ve done so, I apologize; and I want you to tell yourself, out loud, “I’m not going to think about that anymore,” Do it again and again if you have to until you have a moment of peace.

Clear thinking

I want you to think clearly for a moment. If you often dwell on painful or negative memories from your past, there’s a very good chance that you’re either passing along some of the same memories to your children; or that you're overcompensating to protect them and thus creating other painful memories for them.

The best thing you can do for your family and your children is to learn how to break the control your childhood has over your thinking today. I've already told you how to do that.

You have the habit of negative thinking. You can break that habit. It’s all described in an online course called Finding Personal Peace.

Don’t put it off. Start creating good, positive, childhood memories for your children by losing the negative, painful, memories of your childhood. Do it today!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

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