Relationships - Who's Pulling the Rope?

There’s always a rope. Are you the one pulling up or dragging down?

Which way are you pulling?

In relationships people are connected. You can imagine that each of you is holding onto a rope. The rope is seldom still because you and your partner are different people; each with different needs, aspirations, and emotions often pulling in different directions.

What you should want is that the relationship be always trending upward by one or both of you – usually alternating - keeping upward direction on the rope. When one is dragging down, the other is pulling up. Then the situation may be reversed.

Relationships are strained

Relationships are strained if one of you is dragging the other down. If this goes on long enough, one of the partners may be hurt. If the hurt continues long enough, the relationship may be damaged or broken.

You should already have figured out that there is very little to do to change your partner. What you can do is to make sure that you’re not the one dragging the relationship down. The rest of this post is looking at you and how you respond when you’re down.

Different responses

A typical response, maybe without much thought, is to pull your partner down to your level. There’s some weird concept of misery loving company. So you keep pulling on your end of the rope until your partner is sharing your emotional level.

Maybe you’re too stubborn to admit that your partner is right.

Maybe you’re too proud to admit that you need to be helped; that you don’t have the situation under control.

Maybe your snap judgment is to let go of the rope. That removes part of the pressure on you - the good part.

Sometimes you resist all the harder. Maybe you’re blaming your partner for how you feel; maybe you’re bearing a grudge toward your partner; or resentment; or envy; or revenge.

Or maybe it’s something totally unrelated to your partner; work, extended family, some threat toward you.

Whatever is roiling through your mind, give value to the fact that your partner is still holding the rope and trying to pull you back up out of the emotional mess you’re in.

Sometimes we pretend that nothing is wrong and keep living life as it is.

All these attempts to drag your partner down will eventually damage or destroy the relationship.

A matter of trust

Why don’t you just trust your partner? They’re trying to lift you up. They’re trying to give you hope and encouragement. Trust them to know what they’re doing.

Relax. Even if you don’t know what to do, let them gently and lovingly draw you up to higher ground. If you keep struggling, you’re creating pressure on both of you.

It’s just a matter of time until the situation is reversed and you’re the one gently, lovingly lifting your partner back up.

Don’t give up on the relationship; but make doubly sure that you’re not the one who is always the dead weight.

If you are, you can do something about that. You don’t have to accept the negative thinking that typically sends you into the emotional pit.

Do your partner and your relationship a great favor by learning how to deal with all your negative thinking and negative emotions. That’s what Finding Personal Peace is all about.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

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