Righteous Anger or Righteous Excuse

Anger is destructive.  Your anger can kill you; not to mention destroy all your important relationships. You can deal with your anger in a way that is far more simple and far more effective than anything you've tried before.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to all kinds of problems; problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

Righteous Anger or Righteous Excuse

A lot of us grew up believing anger was a "bad" emotion. But it’s okay to feel anger when an outrageous offense demands a response. You can express those feelings righteously! Thankfully, God's Word sets clear parameters for getting peeved, one of which is don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Get angry if you have to, but get over it.

We need to be careful not to use “righteous anger” as an excuse for all our outbursts. Just know that Scripture contains many more verses warning people against blowing their cool than verses advocating such behavior.

Your Anger can Hurt You

Let’s face some harsh facts. Your anger can hurt you physically as much as it can hurt you emotionally. Prolonged anger can cause dangerous increases in hormone levels, blood pressure, and it can cause damage to internal organs. Some studies indicate that anger can increase the likelihood of heart attacks and strokes.

Anger can become addictive in that it produces a sort of "adrenalin thrill" somewhat like you can experience skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster.

Unrestricted anger can result in a "rage" that can cause us to harm ourselves or people around us. I know you've heard of "road rage" and "acts of passion" that resulted in injury or death, sometimes to innocent parties.

Common approaches to anger

Popular approaches to anger include "taking a timeout" or "punching a pillow" to vent your anger. Some suggest that you "scream" or use exercise as a vent. People are taught conflict resolution, how to be assertive, and how to remove oneself from anger-inducing situations.

These ideas may be effective and appropriate when a threat is immediate and immediate action is required because you need a quick distraction before some harm is done.

A More Pervasive Anger

There is a far-more-common form of anger that occurs over and over again without any real-time provocation. Such anger is an emotional response to the memory or recollection of an offense suffered in the past - sometimes many years in the past. When these memories pop into your mind as thoughts; and we mentally chew or ruminate on them; it can become just like the original incident all over again.

But, it’s all triggered by memories or thoughts. It’s not happening all over again in most cases.

Some will tell you to “work through your anger.” Analyze your angry and try to understand why you are angry and how you can deal with it. This doesn’t quite make sense. If your thoughts are making you angry, wouldn’t it likely make you more angry as you try to deal with each of the thoughts?

The solution to your anger is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that results in recurring anger is "simply choose not to think about it." It can be very effective to name the thought, as in "“I will not think about _____________.”

When a negative thought that you know leads to anger pops into your mind, simply say to yourself out loud, “I will not think about that.” Do it again if the idea pops up again; “I will not think about that.”

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the built-in authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you anger, don’t think that thought. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like being angry. So it tries to give you more opportunities, through selected thoughts, to be angry.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of anger.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking the anger-provoking thoughts because your subconscious mind responds appropriately before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your anger for you before you even think about it. That is so cool!

Resources you can use

There’s a way to deal effectively with anger. Take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r000.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you including anger.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

Help Someone You Love Deal with Anger Simply and Effectively

Anger is destructive.  Your anger can kill you; not to mention destroy all your important relationships. You can deal with your anger in a way that is far more simple and far more effective than anything you've tried before.

Anger can hurt you physically as much as it can hurt you emotionally. Prolonged anger can cause dangerous increases in hormone levels, blood pressure, and it can cause damage to internal organs. Some studies indicate that anger can increase the likelihood of heart attacks and strokes.

Anger can become addictive in that it produces a sort of "adrenalin thrill" somewhat like you can experience skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster.

Unrestricted anger can result in a "rage" that can cause us to harm ourselves or people around us. I know you've heard of "road rage" and "acts of passion" that resulted in injury or death, sometimes to innocent parties.

Anger can also damage family relationships, social relationships and even cost you your job.

Popular approaches to anger include "taking a timeout" or "punching a pillow" to vent your anger. Some suggest that you "scream" or use exercise as a vent. People are taught conflict resolution, how to be assertive, and how to remove oneself from anger-inducing situations.

These ideas may be good and effective when a threat is immediate and immediate action is required because you need a quick distraction before some harm is done.

There is a far-more-common form of anger that occurs over and over again without any real-time provocation. Such anger is an emotional response to the memory or recollection of an offense suffered in the past - sometimes many years in the past. When these memories pop into your mind as thoughts; and we mentally chew or ruminate on them; it can become just like the original incident all over again.

But, it’s all triggered by memories or thoughts. It’s not happening all over again in most cases.

The solution to your anger is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that results in recurring anger is "simply choose not to think about it."

When a negative thought that you know leads to anger pops into your mind, simply say to yourself out loud, “I will not think about that.” Do it again if the idea pops up again; “I will not think about that.”

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the inborn authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you anger, don’t think that thought. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like being angry. So it tries to give you more opportunities, through selected thoughts, to be angry.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of anger.

At some point, you won't even realize you are thinking the anger-provoking thoughts because your subconscious mind responds appropriately before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your anger for you before you even think about it. That is so cool!

Resources you can use

Help someone you love deal effectively with anger. Take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com/s001.

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you including anger.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Deal With Your Anger Simply and Effectively

Summary

Anger is destructive.  Your anger can kill you; not to mention destroy all your important relationships. You can deal with your anger in a way that is far more simple and far more effective than anything you've tried before.

Anger can hurt you physically as much as it can hurt you emotionally. Prolonged anger can cause dangerous increases in hormone levels, blood pressure, and it can cause damage to internal organs. Some studies indicate that anger can increase the likelihood of heart attacks and strokes.

Anger can become addictive in that it produces a sort of "adrenalin thrill" somewhat like you can experience skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster.

Unrestricted anger can result in a "rage" that can cause us to harm ourselves or people around us. I know you've heard of "road rage" and "acts of passion" that resulted in injury or death, sometimes to innocent parties.

Anger can also damage family relationships, social relationships and even cost you your job.

Popular approaches to anger include "taking a timeout" or "punching a pillow" to vent your anger. Some suggest that you "scream" or use exercise as a vent. People are taught conflict resolution, how to be assertive, and how to remove oneself from anger-inducing situations.

These ideas may be good and effective when a threat is immediate and action is required. There is a far-more-common form of anger that occurs over and over again without any real-time provocation. Such anger is an emotional response to the memory or recollection of an offense suffered in the past - sometimes many years in the past. When these memories pop into your mind as negative thoughts; and we mentally chew or ruminate on them; it can become just like the original incident all over again.

But, it’s all in your memory. It’s not happening all over again in most cases.

The solution is so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control the negative thinking that results in recurring anger is "simply choose not to think about it." 

When a negative thought that you know leads to anger pops into your mind, simply say to yourself out loud, “I will not think about that.” Do it again if the idea pops up again.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.” Not really. You have the inborn authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you pain, you can choose not to think that thought.

As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. It’s amazing how quickly this can happen. At that point, you won't even realize you are thinking the anger-provoking thoughts. Before they become conscious thoughts, you handle them subconsciously.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind control your negative thinking for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use 

If you could deal with anger simply and effectively, would you take 3 minutes to learn more?

Check it out - http://findingpersonalpeace.com/r001

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you. I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you as much as it helped me with my anger problem.

 

Ruts

Grading the Ruts in Your Life

Are you caught in a rut? You don’t have to stay there. 

The phrase, in a rut, means, according to one source, “In a settled or established habit or course of action, especially a boring one. For example, We go to the seashore every summer we're in a rut , or After ten years at the same job she says she's in a rut . This expression alludes to having a wheel stuck in a groove in the road. [Early 1800s]”

I think we all use that expression sometimes – some of us more often than others.

I read about it this morning in the context of living on a farm in the northern states, and finding the ruts to walk to the barn to feed the livestock after a blizzard; and then driving in ruts to try to get around on the farm in a vehicle. It’s a lot easier to move around if someone has gone before you and stomped out some ruts.

I grew up in rural Alabama. We didn't have much snow, but we had an abundance of dirt roads. Over time, with rain and traffic, ruts, often deep ruts, would be cut in the roadway. After a time, the ruts became quite rough on the vehicle and the occupants as they bounced along up and down and from side to side in the ruts. It was easier in some places to drive on the unrutted sections of the road

And please don’t let us meet someone coming from the opposite direction in the same set of ruts; but that’s an aside. The ruts remained until the county sent out the road crew with their grading equipment to re-grade the road surface. Then it was smooth – for a little while.

Life’s Ruts

Have you found yourself in a life rut? Sometimes it’s as simple as living a lifestyle with predictable patterns. I go to our neighborhood McDonald's and sometime a crew member starts ringing up my order as soon I say “Hello.” I’m in that sort of rut.

The other, and more bothersome, rut is the emotional rut where we find ourselves trapped between sidewalls of painful thoughts and bad experiences and we just can’t seem to find our way out.

Or worse, we don’t want to find a way out. It may be painful there, but at least it’s predictable. What is it that people say? “Better the devil you know that the one you don’t.” 

It becomes a matter of “relative” comfort." It’s not very comfortable here in the rut – but it might be far less comfortable out there in the unknown. The sad thing is that our ruts often get deeper with the wear-and-tear of living, and the remembering of painful experiences, and the beating ourselves up with rumination, causing the ruts to get deeper and deeper and deeper.

Excuses

Somebody said, “My therapist had me relive all that pain every week for months; It didn't help.” Somebody else said, “That’s the hand I've been dealt. I just have to live with it.” And someone else joined in, “ I've read all the self-help stuff. My problems are way too complicated.” Blame it on painful approach, fate, or complications; they are all excuses.

Do you need a repair crew to come out and level out your ruts?

Your Own Repair Crew

What if it were possible to deal with the memories of your painful experiences in the privacy of your computer, iPad or smart phone?

What if it were possible to avoid reliving the pain?

What if it were possible to deal with life’s cards without falling back on old excuses?

What if it were possible to handle any life situation, no matter how complicated, by simply managing your negative thoughts one by one?

If all that were possible, do you think you could get out of the emotional ruts in your life? I’m suggesting that it is possible. I helped myself out of the rut of anger. My friend helped herself out of the rut of inferiority.

Finding Personal Peace can show you how to get out of your ruts.

I was reading this morning the story of Jesus walking up to the boat during the storm. You remember it. The sight scared the disciples in the boat half to death. Peter declared that he wanted to walk on the water; and Jesus said, “Come on.”

Peter was doing great until he remembered his circumstances and looked down at his feet instead of looking at Jesus.

The point I took is this. Peter could have kept his seat in the boat and never gotten his feet wet. But he wanted more.

John Ortberg, a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, wrote a fascinating book entitled, “If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat.” I recommend it to you.

But back to your rut.

• If you want to get out of your rut, you may have to try something you don’t understand.
• You may have to be willing to be uncomfortable until you realize that it’s working for you.
• You may have to admit that you’re in a rut.
• You may have to admit that you can’t get out of the rut by yourself.

But if you can deal with stepping out of your comfort zone and admitting that life as you know it is a rut, you can experience personal peace like you never dreamed possible. You can start today.

Here’s to getting out of your rut today!

www.findingpersonalpeace.com Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Transformers

Transform Yourself

Many of us need to be transformed – we just don’t know how to do it. 

I was thinking yesterday about Transformers. Do you remember the toys from a generation ago that could, with a few twists, turns, snaps, bends, and clicks, be changed from a menacing, powerful, figure of doom and destruction into a sleek, beautiful, vehicle possessing great style and grace.

My sons played for hours on end with first one transformation and then the other. What fun they had.

The need for transformation 

Open up your mind’s eye and take a look at yourself. What do you see?

Do you see a positive, compelling image of yourself; or do you see a sad, negative, off-putting picture? 

Do you see an image that is in need of a great transformation?

Understand that what you see in your mind’s eye is the actual image that your subconscious mind has of you. If you’re like many of us, that image has become less and less appealing as time passes.

Your subconscious is a vast storehouse of all your life experiences in great detail. It is also the database of every one of your reactions to all those experiences; as well as the thoughts and ruminations you continue to have on an ongoing basis. So over time you may very well have painted a bleak picture of who your subconscious believes you are; and it’s this role that you’re probably playing in your world today.

Wouldn't you like to be like the toy and by a few twists, turns, snaps, bends and clicks become a truly strong, dependable, and satisfied person who presents to the world an image of confidence and self-sufficiency?

By the way, since I encouraged you to perhaps start thinking about a negative image of yourself; I hereby tell you with authority, “STOP THINKING ABOUT IT- RIGHT NOW!”

Transformed

You can become a Transformer. You don’t have to accept the self-portrait that your subconscious has painted. You have the power to reduce the effect of the negative thinking almost immediately. 

Notice the sentence in ALL CAPS above. You have the authority to decide what you think about. You can stop thinking about anything you don’t want to think about. I’m not suggesting that you replace negative thinking with positive thinking. That’s an often-touted and just-as-often futile attempt to feel better. It’s always temporary.

You have an innate capacity to be happy. That capacity is often overwhelmed by negative thinking. Simply refusing to think about negative things will over a surprisingly short period of time allow the flicker of your inborn ability to start peeking out and eventually grow to a full beam of peace in your life.

In Finding Personal Peace we show you how to transform the negative you right out of your mental picture of yourself and allow the peaceful you to emerge.

We tell you what to do; we tell you why it works; and we lead you through a process of repetitive actions to reinforce your knowledge and belief into a new habit of peace. You take authority over the process.

So be transformed

Is there any reason not to start the process of transforming yourself today? I hope not.
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

We Need Your Help!

Finding Personal Peace has been published for about two months now. The response has been gratifying. Just today a pastor who reviewed it described it saying, “This is incredible. It's so well done and the potential for helping people is enormous.”

We'd like to make an effort over the next few weeks to seriously validate the course.

To that end, we're posting the following advertisement on several of the social media sites and forums.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would Some Personal Peace Today be Nice?

We're looking for 100 volunteers to help us validate a promising new on-line course, Finding Personal Peace, that shows you how to find some personal peace in just about any emotional circumstance.

We will make it worth your while to volunteer by offering some valuable coupons that you can redeem. The value of the coupons may be as much as $500 or more.

If you want to know more about the project and about volunteering to help, please send an email to volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com. We'll send the details right back to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you know someone who would be willing to help us, please pass this along to them.

We need a strong test to make sure the course works under the kind of load we expect to have as the word gets around.

If you know someone who would like some personal peace; or who would like the chance to redeem some pretty valuable gifts; or who would simply like to help us help others; please send an email to the email address below. Thanks

All the best!



Rod @ Finding Personal Peace
volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com

Do You Have Emotional Pain?

We all understand physical pain. We get hurt; it heals; the pain goes away. Very few of us relive the physical event again and experience the pain again. It remains in our mind as“an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful,” says Dr. Kip Williams from Purdue University.

On the other hand, emotional pain tends to linger, in no small part, because we continue to rethink the emotional hurt that caused the pain. The event remains fresh in our minds; and, in fact, may become more intense with the replaying of it.

In the brain, pain is pain.

Studies show that to the brain, heartbreak and emotional torment are no different from having hot coffee spilled on your hand. The stimuli produce nearly identical brain reactions." The understanding growing among pain researchers is that, in your brains, physical and social pain share much the same neural circuitry. In many ways, in fact, your brain may scarcely make a distinction between a verbal and physical insult.

CNN reported that “getting burned and getting dumped feel exactly the same.”

Researchers at the University of Florida found that acetaminophen (the major ingredient of Tylenol) relieved emotional pain similarly to how it relieved physical pain.

Emotional Pain is Natural

Emotional pain is as natural as physical pain. How can we not feel grief at the loss of a loved one or remorse at the loss of dreams? How can we not be resentful when we are ill-treated? Who isn't sad when circumstances cause us to be alone or financial loss causes us to fear for the future?

The danger is not in feeling the natural emotional pain. The danger is reliving the emotional pain through rumination with the impact of the emotional pain growing until it becomes debilitating.

Most physical pain is temporary – it happens and it heals. Some people of the ability to absorb an emotional blow, hurt temporarily, and then let the wound heal just as if it were physical.

Many, if not most, of us don't handle emotional pain so readily. My own story is that I carried around anger for years against someone who had hurt my family. I replayed that pain every time a thought popped up that reminded me of the hurt.

Can you identify with that? Do you know someone living with recurring emotional pain?

We've already seen in earlier posts that negative emotions can lead to depression, stress, and physical illness. They can lead to broken relationships, shame, and guilt; even to self-mutilation and suicide.

Common wisdom says that pain must be pursued to its source and dealt with much like a wound has to be lanced to clear out the infection.

The irony is that such treatment causes us to explore and relive the event and thus reinforces the pain rather than relieving it.

A better way might be to learn how to properly handle the negative thinking that launches us into episodes of reliving the pain. I handled my negative thinking and was so impressed by how well it worked that I wrote the online course, Finding Personal Peace. I want to share this concept with anybody in the grasp of emotional pain.

Click here to learn more.

God bless,

Are You Stressed?

Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger – whether its real or imagined – the body's defenses kick into high gear, causing stress.

Survival Stress - You may have heard the phrase "fight or flight" before. This is a common response to danger in all people and animals. When you are afraid that someone or something may physically hurt you, your body naturally responds with a burst of energy so that you will be better able to survive the dangerous situation (fight) or escape it all together (flight).

Internal Stress - Have you ever caught yourself worrying about things you can do nothing about or worrying for no reason at all? This is internal stress and it is one of the most important kinds of stress to understand and manage. Internal stress is when people make themselves stressed. This often happens when we worry about things we can't control or put ourselves in situations we know will cause us stress. Some people become addicted to the kind of hurried, tense, lifestyle that results from being under stress. They even look for stressful situations and feel stress about things that aren't stressful.

Environmental Stress - This is a response to things around you that cause stress, such as noise, crowding, and pressure from work or family. Identifying these environmental stresses and learning to avoid them or deal with them will help lower your stress level.

Fatigue and Overwork - This kind of stress builds up over a long time and can take a hard toll on your body. It can be caused by working too much or too hard at your job(s), school, or home. It can also be caused by not knowing how to manage your time well or how to take time out for rest and relaxation. This can be one of the hardest kinds of stress to avoid because many people feel this is out of their control.

The effects of chronic stress

The body doesn’t distinguish between physical and psychological threats. Whether you're stressed over a busy schedule, an argument with a friend, a traffic jam, or a mountain of bills, your body reacts just as strongly as if you were facing a life-or-death situation. If you have a lot of responsibilities and worries, your emergency stress response may be “on” most of the time. The more your body's stress system is activated, the easier it is to trip and the harder it is to shut off.

Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body.

• It can raise blood pressure


• It can suppress the immune system


• It can increase the risk of heart attack and stroke


• It can contribute to infertility


• It can speed up the aging process.


• It can leave you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Since internal stress is a normal reaction to your worrying or stewing over mostly negative issues, does it make sense that having a good way to control how you think about negative issues would be beneficial to you?

That's what we offer you through Finding Personal Peace. Controlling the negative thinking that results in stress could make you a much happier person.

Think about it.



P.S. When you’re done thinking, click here for more information.

Are You Agoraphobic?

A person with agoraphobia fears being in places where there is a chance of having a panic attack that people may witness, and getting away rapidly may be difficult. Because of these fears the sufferer will deliberately avoid such places - which may include crowded areas, special events, queues (standing in line), buses and trains, shops and shopping centers, and airplanes.

The physical symptoms of agoraphobia, which usually occur when people find themselves in a situation or environment that causes them anxiety may include accelerated heart beat, rapid and shallow breathing (hyperventilating), feeling hot, flushing, stomach upset, diarrhea, trouble swallowing, breaking out in a sweat, nausea, trembling, dizziness, feeling light-headed, as if one were about to faint, and ringing in the ears.

Physical symptoms are rare because most people with agoraphobia avoid situations that they believe will trigger panic,

There may also be a fear that people will notice a panic attack, causing humiliation and embarrassment; fear that during a panic attack their heart might stop, or they won't be able to breathe, and may die; and fear that the sufferer himself/herself is going crazy.

There may be other general symptoms such as low self-confidence and self-esteem; a feeling a loss of control; depression; a feeling of dread and anxiety; thinking that without the help of others the sufferer himself/herself would never be able to function or survive; and a dread of being left alone.

Symptoms may range from mild shyness to never leaving home for fear of a panic attack.

Typical treatments include a range of medications and psychotherapy.

Wouldn't it be nice if the agoraphobic had a simple way of recognizing when the negative thoughts pop up and dealing with the negative thought immediately before all the other symptoms manifest themselves?

That's what Finding Personal Peace offers you – a way to deal with issues at the initial thought level before the onset of physical and psychological symptoms.

Are you agoraphobic or do you know someone who is? Pass the post along and then click here for more information.

God bless,

Are You Addicted? Are You Sure?

I asked the second question in the title because I had always thought of addictions in the very narrow scope of drugs, alcohol, or the like which could radically impair or kill me. My reading tells me that I am addicted because I have other actions that I do almost compulsively to avoid pain or to restore happiness.

Most contemporary resources like psychologytoday.com define addiction thusly: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities. That definition takes the responsibility for addiction away from the individual and puts it on the drug or the pleasurable activity that ensnares us so readily. True, we must first make the decision to try the substance or activity. But its the drug or activity that addicts us.

Why do we seek these pleasurable things?

Ex-addict, William, in his blog, says, “At the root of all addiction is pain.” He goes on, “It is humans who get addicted out of fear of the darkness within, and not drugs that are addictive.”

Dr. Richard Carlson says in “You Can Be Happy, No Matter What” that “a habit is a thought that you have accepted as truth.”

He goes on to say that “Happiness is a positive feeling that exists inside you.” When we lose touch with that positive feeling, we knowingly or unknowingly attempt to get it back. “When you don’t understand the dynamics of your own mind, you innocently attempt to get your positive feeling back through outside sources – which can be the beginning of bad habits.” Carlson uses the words “addictions” and “habits” interchangeably.

When we accept our thoughts as truth and our thoughts are negative, then the truth can become something very frightening or dark as William described it in his blog.

Carlson says, “Some popular substitutes for a contented state of mind are alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, exercise, gambling, sex, and work. A few of the more subtle forms include arguing, proving yourself, and seeking approval.”

So by this very-common-sense definition of addiction, it becomes apparent that many of us have allowed ourselves to become addicts to something in an attempt to restore happiness. In my case, I am addicted to fast food and work.

For your convenience, I've published a partial list of addictions whereby you can decide for yourself if some of your “habits” might in fact be addictions. Click here for the list. Oh, after reviewing the list, I'll have to add chocolate as one of my addictions.

It appears that when we lose our feelings of happiness, which typically happens when we allow ourselves to ruminate more and more on negative things, we begin to search for things to restore that lost happiness or to block the fear or loss. The things that make us feel happy, even for a short period of time, are the things we tend to do again and again until the quest for happiness becomes a habit or addiction.

Some of these habits are simply annoying. Others are disruptive of a productive lifestyle. Others are destructive to ourselves or others; and others have the capacity to become criminal.

Think about this. Instead of masking the unhappiness with a substitute substance or activity, wouldn’t it be better if we could stop the negative thinking that is stealing our unhappiness? Or wouldn't it be nice to deal with the thoughts of the pleasure that precede the addictive act before it's repeated?

That's exactly what we show you how to do in “Finding Personal Peace.” We show you how to restore “peace” or “happiness” by appropriately handing the negative thinking that destroys your happiness.

Did you find yourself on the list? Are there habits/addictions from which you would like to be free? That's entirely possible for you. Take a look at Finding Personal Peace.

God bless,

Are You Angry?

Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what's the best way to handle it? To answer that question, we must first understand what anger really is. Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. It’s defined in the Greek language as the strongest of all passions. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.

Ruminating, or dwelling, on your anger isn't actually helpful. Studies show that, among other things, those who have a tendency to ruminate over situations that have made them angry in their past tend to experience higher blood pressure as a result, putting them at greater risk for organ damage and associated health problems. Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not.

We're always encouraged to talk through our anger. Discussing your anger is a tricky thing. Talking about your anger with a trusted friend can be an effective strategy for dealing with anger -- to a point. It can help you better understand your feelings, brainstorm problem-solving strategies, and strengthen your relationship.

But there's also evidence that repeatedly discussing your anger with your friends can actually make you both feel worse, and increase stress hormones in your blood for both of you. Most of us have been involved in conversations that are basically complaint sessions or downward spirals of negative emotion. We can show you a more effective way.

Anger can make you sick

Like poorly managed stress, anger that isn’t handled in a healthy way can be not only uncomfortable, but even damaging to one's health and personal life.

One study looked at anger problems in husbands and wives. There is evidence that anger problems and depressive symptoms have been linked to all major causes of death, but found that wives specifically found a greater association between anger and symptoms of depression, while men tended to instead experience an association between anger and health problems.

According to another study, those who had less control over their anger tended to heal more slowly from wounds.

Yet another study showed that men with higher rates of hostility not only had poorer pulmonary functioning (breathing problems), but experienced higher rates of decline as they aged.

We don't have room here to mention the social implications of anger: broken relationships, transferring anger to spouse, children and friends; spontaneous acts that can lead to hurting someone and maybe criminal behavior, and much more.

Because poorly managed anger presents such a significant problem in so many areas of life, it's important to take steps toward learning an effective way of dealing with anger.

Every angry episode begins with a single negative thought. ‘Finding Personal Peace’ shows you how to effectively deal with angry thoughts before they escalate to a more painful level.

You really can find personal peace starting today.

God bless,



P.S. Click here to begin your quest to defeat anger in your life.
P.P.S. BTW, you know you can share these posts, don’t you? Even through Facebook and Twitter. Please feel free to share.

Are You Depressed?

According to the Surgeon General, depression is the number three health problem in America. Yet many of us simply don't realize or admit that we are depressed.

Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods.

More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out" of. Dr. Richard Carlson says, “You can't think yourself out of depression.”

Depression is usually treated with antidepressant medications and short-term, goal-oriented psychotherapy.

Not only are women more prone to depression than men, but the causes of female depression and even the pattern of symptoms are often different.

Men also suffer from depression but are often less willing to admit it and seek help because they consider depression a “female” disease.

Teens may show their pervasive sadness by wearing black clothes, writing poetry with morbid themes, or having a preoccupation with music that has nihilistic themes. They may cry for no apparent reason. Children and teens that cause trouble at home or at school may actually be depressed but not know it. Because the child may not always seem sad, parents and teachers may not realize that the behavior problem is a sign of depression.

Some depression is based on chemical imbalances in our bodies and this depression can be treated medically.

Another and perhaps more common form of depression involves the numbing of emotions, especially grief, fear, anger and shame. Depression occurs when these emotions loop back on themselves, having bad feelings about bad feelings, sometimes without limit.

When we dwell on painful experiences again and again, the “looping-back” effect takes place again and again.

Finding Personal Peace shows us how to avoid the looping effect; how to break the cycle of negative thinking building on previous negative thinking.

This can be the ideal solution for people who hate taking medications and for people, particularly men, who don't want to admit depression, but nevertheless experience the symptoms of negative emotions.

Hope this helps!



P.S. Find out about relieving depression by clicking here.

Victims of Abuse

Abuse is approaching epidemic proportions today. We'll mention three common forms of abuse: domestic abuse; child sexual abuse; and bullying. There are others but space is limited.

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or put downs


• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends


• withholding money


• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job


• actual or threatened physical harm


• sexual assault


• stalking


• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which a child is abused for the sexual gratification of an adult or older adolescent. In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult indecently exposes their genitalia to a child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child, or uses a child to produce child pornography.

Effects of child sexual abuse include guilt and self-blame, flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, fear of things associated with the abuse (including objects, smells, places, doctor's visits, etc.), self-esteem issues, sexual dysfunction, chronic pain, addiction, self-injury, suicidal ideation, somatic complaints, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, other mental illnesses (including borderline personality disorder) propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to the child, among other problems. Victims of child sex abuse are over six times more likely to attempt suicide and eight times more likely to repeatedly attempt suicide. The abusers are also more likely to commit suicide. Much of the harm caused to victims becomes apparent years after the abuse happens.

Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest, and results in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.

Bullying is a form of abuse. It involves repeated acts over time attempting to create or enforce one person's (or group's) power over another person (or group), thus an "imbalance of power". The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target. Bullying types of behavior are often rooted in a would-be bully's inability to empathize with those whom he or she would target.

In all cases of ongoing abuse of any form, the primary objective is to get help. We've compiled a listing of resources available by telephone or on-line that victims can use. These resources are respect your privacy and are equipped and trained to guide the victim to safety. Click here to see the list of resources.

The context of our mission is to provide relief for people who are suffering from abuse from the past. Prior abuse exists primarily in the memories of the victims. Yet when the victim replays those memory, which is often done, it can be as traumatic as experiencing the abuse again.

But it's not happening again. The pain is a response to the thought about the abuse. Any form of pain that results from a thought can be alleviated greatly if one knows what to do about the thought.

That's what Finding Personal Peace is good at doing – helping one learn how to deal with negative thoughts before the pain is re-created and very often enhanced.

If you're a victim of abuse or you know a victim of abuse, consider Finding Personal Peace as a viable tool. We WILL NOT MAKE YOU RELIVE THE PAIN!!!

God bless,



P.S. Click here for more information about Finding Personal Peace.