Relationships Can be Simple

We tend to complicate relationships. Consider how simple they can be.

Relationships are Simple

Are you disagreeing with me already? We are created to have simple relationships. It is said that we should be like the sparrows and the flowers of the field who take no thought about themselves. They just enjoy being sparrows and flowers with other sparrows and flowers.

Well, that may be a little strange, but that triggered the thinking herein.

The Golden Rule

Remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

If we apply that rule to our relationships, then relationships become very simple.

We treat our spouse, friend, partner, child, as we would like them to treat us. Can’t get simpler than that, can it?

But, in practicality, what does that mean?

It establishes the direction of our role in the relationship. Realistically, we can’t control how our partner reacts to us. We can’t make them be a good partner. The only thing we can control is our actions toward them: hence, “Do unto others.”

And the measuring gauge for the “doing” is how we would like to be “done unto.”

Trust

Would you like to be trusted by your partner? Then trust them. Trust them in the here and now. Don’t keep a list of past faults and foibles. Believe them. Rely on them. Tell them you trust them.

Respect

Don’t you want your partner in the relationship to respect you? Then respect them. Respect their person. Don’t interact with them publicly in the same way you do privately. Respect their space. Don’t encroach. Respect their time. Don’t make excessive demands of time. Respect their privacy. Don’t share their personal details or the details of your relationship with anybody!

Dignity

Don't you like to be treated with dignity? Then give dignity to your partner. Don’t make fun of them. Don’t belittle their accomplishments. Don’t gossip about them. Speak to them with dignity.

Honor

Don't you like to be treated with honor? Then give honor to your partner. Lift them up before others. Put them on a little pedestal. (Don’t get carried away with the pedestal.) Speak of their accomplishments. Be proud of them. Validate them privately and validate them before others.

Be Thankful

The Golden Rule is not ironclad; but it’s pretty reliable. Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away and every time. Expect nothing and be thankful for everything you receive from your partner.

It’s too simple

Quietly and privately consider how you responded to each of these points. It’s very common to dismiss this as too simple. Don’t let your negative thinking waylay a good relationship. Finding Personal Peace is designed to help with your negative thinking.

So, go do!



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - What's in the Mirror?

Use a mirror to test the health of your relationships.

See Your Relationship?

Look in an imaginary mirror and picture what you would see if your relationship partner were looking at  you. Try to decide if you are pleased with the relationship as your partner sees it.

What kind of partner are you?

Do You Give Respect and Honor

• When you look at yourself do you see someone that shows respect and honor to your partner at every possible opportunity?


• Do you show respect and honor by your words and deeds?


• Does your partner get to walk daily in the reflection of your respect and honor for them?

Respect applies to opinions and ideas. Respect doesn’t let your partner be the butt of careless humor or embarrassment by you. You may have to practice some restraint when disrespectful words start to escape your mouth either about or in the presence of your partner.

Honor lifts your partner. Let the world see in your eyes that your partner has a worthy place in your mind and heart.

Your respect and honor should be so automatic that you do it reflexively. You shouldn’t have to think about it at all.

If you can’t do that, ask yourself why not. Try to recognize the thoughts that precede your lack of respect and honor and privately deal with them.

Do You See Truthfulness and Openness

When you look in the mirror, do you see truthfulness and openness? Do you hide things from your partner? Do you find it difficult to talk to your partner about some things?

You don’t want to burden and hurt your partner by raw but irrelevant details. But if something from your past has a bearing on the present relationship, it needs to come out.

Do You See Decorum and Decency

This may sound so twentieth century. Does your partner wish they were somewhere else when inappropriate language gushes from your mouth? Do your friends know details of your relationship that ought to be secrets between you and your partner? Do your children see or hear you embarrassing them or their other parent by your words.

There’s still a place for decency in this world. There are times and places that some topics or language should not be spoken. If you and your partner disagree on that, that’s a stress that your relationship doesn’t need. If it’s you, you can do something about it. If it’s your partner, they need to know that they are acting in a way that discomforts you. (see Truthfulness and Openness)

Do You See Safety and Security

Is your partner completely comfortable that you are not going to suggest a situation that endangers either of you? Is your partner certain that you will protect the security of your relationship vigorously?

While you may have a daredevil bent, it is not fair for you to expect your partner to share that nature or participate in such activities. It is not helpful to your relationship if you suggest actions that make your partner feel uncomfortable or worry about your safety.

Don’t give me the excuse; “If they loved me they would . . .” You might want to consider what is making you see those activities as fun when your partner sees them with fear.

What do you see in the mirror? Think about it.



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!

We Need Your Help!

Finding Personal Peace has been published for about two months now. The response has been gratifying. Just today a pastor who reviewed it described it saying, “This is incredible. It's so well done and the potential for helping people is enormous.”

We'd like to make an effort over the next few weeks to seriously validate the course.

To that end, we're posting the following advertisement on several of the social media sites and forums.

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Would Some Personal Peace Today be Nice?

We're looking for 100 volunteers to help us validate a promising new on-line course, Finding Personal Peace, that shows you how to find some personal peace in just about any emotional circumstance.

We will make it worth your while to volunteer by offering some valuable coupons that you can redeem. The value of the coupons may be as much as $500 or more.

If you want to know more about the project and about volunteering to help, please send an email to volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com. We'll send the details right back to you.

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If you know someone who would be willing to help us, please pass this along to them.

We need a strong test to make sure the course works under the kind of load we expect to have as the word gets around.

If you know someone who would like some personal peace; or who would like the chance to redeem some pretty valuable gifts; or who would simply like to help us help others; please send an email to the email address below. Thanks

All the best!



Rod @ Finding Personal Peace
volunteer@findingpersonalpeace.com

Do You Have Emotional Pain?

We all understand physical pain. We get hurt; it heals; the pain goes away. Very few of us relive the physical event again and experience the pain again. It remains in our mind as“an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful,” says Dr. Kip Williams from Purdue University.

On the other hand, emotional pain tends to linger, in no small part, because we continue to rethink the emotional hurt that caused the pain. The event remains fresh in our minds; and, in fact, may become more intense with the replaying of it.

In the brain, pain is pain.

Studies show that to the brain, heartbreak and emotional torment are no different from having hot coffee spilled on your hand. The stimuli produce nearly identical brain reactions." The understanding growing among pain researchers is that, in your brains, physical and social pain share much the same neural circuitry. In many ways, in fact, your brain may scarcely make a distinction between a verbal and physical insult.

CNN reported that “getting burned and getting dumped feel exactly the same.”

Researchers at the University of Florida found that acetaminophen (the major ingredient of Tylenol) relieved emotional pain similarly to how it relieved physical pain.

Emotional Pain is Natural

Emotional pain is as natural as physical pain. How can we not feel grief at the loss of a loved one or remorse at the loss of dreams? How can we not be resentful when we are ill-treated? Who isn't sad when circumstances cause us to be alone or financial loss causes us to fear for the future?

The danger is not in feeling the natural emotional pain. The danger is reliving the emotional pain through rumination with the impact of the emotional pain growing until it becomes debilitating.

Most physical pain is temporary – it happens and it heals. Some people of the ability to absorb an emotional blow, hurt temporarily, and then let the wound heal just as if it were physical.

Many, if not most, of us don't handle emotional pain so readily. My own story is that I carried around anger for years against someone who had hurt my family. I replayed that pain every time a thought popped up that reminded me of the hurt.

Can you identify with that? Do you know someone living with recurring emotional pain?

We've already seen in earlier posts that negative emotions can lead to depression, stress, and physical illness. They can lead to broken relationships, shame, and guilt; even to self-mutilation and suicide.

Common wisdom says that pain must be pursued to its source and dealt with much like a wound has to be lanced to clear out the infection.

The irony is that such treatment causes us to explore and relive the event and thus reinforces the pain rather than relieving it.

A better way might be to learn how to properly handle the negative thinking that launches us into episodes of reliving the pain. I handled my negative thinking and was so impressed by how well it worked that I wrote the online course, Finding Personal Peace. I want to share this concept with anybody in the grasp of emotional pain.

Click here to learn more.

God bless,

Are You Stressed?

Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger – whether its real or imagined – the body's defenses kick into high gear, causing stress.

Survival Stress - You may have heard the phrase "fight or flight" before. This is a common response to danger in all people and animals. When you are afraid that someone or something may physically hurt you, your body naturally responds with a burst of energy so that you will be better able to survive the dangerous situation (fight) or escape it all together (flight).

Internal Stress - Have you ever caught yourself worrying about things you can do nothing about or worrying for no reason at all? This is internal stress and it is one of the most important kinds of stress to understand and manage. Internal stress is when people make themselves stressed. This often happens when we worry about things we can't control or put ourselves in situations we know will cause us stress. Some people become addicted to the kind of hurried, tense, lifestyle that results from being under stress. They even look for stressful situations and feel stress about things that aren't stressful.

Environmental Stress - This is a response to things around you that cause stress, such as noise, crowding, and pressure from work or family. Identifying these environmental stresses and learning to avoid them or deal with them will help lower your stress level.

Fatigue and Overwork - This kind of stress builds up over a long time and can take a hard toll on your body. It can be caused by working too much or too hard at your job(s), school, or home. It can also be caused by not knowing how to manage your time well or how to take time out for rest and relaxation. This can be one of the hardest kinds of stress to avoid because many people feel this is out of their control.

The effects of chronic stress

The body doesn’t distinguish between physical and psychological threats. Whether you're stressed over a busy schedule, an argument with a friend, a traffic jam, or a mountain of bills, your body reacts just as strongly as if you were facing a life-or-death situation. If you have a lot of responsibilities and worries, your emergency stress response may be “on” most of the time. The more your body's stress system is activated, the easier it is to trip and the harder it is to shut off.

Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body.

• It can raise blood pressure


• It can suppress the immune system


• It can increase the risk of heart attack and stroke


• It can contribute to infertility


• It can speed up the aging process.


• It can leave you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Since internal stress is a normal reaction to your worrying or stewing over mostly negative issues, does it make sense that having a good way to control how you think about negative issues would be beneficial to you?

That's what we offer you through Finding Personal Peace. Controlling the negative thinking that results in stress could make you a much happier person.

Think about it.



P.S. When you’re done thinking, click here for more information.

Are You Agoraphobic?

A person with agoraphobia fears being in places where there is a chance of having a panic attack that people may witness, and getting away rapidly may be difficult. Because of these fears the sufferer will deliberately avoid such places - which may include crowded areas, special events, queues (standing in line), buses and trains, shops and shopping centers, and airplanes.

The physical symptoms of agoraphobia, which usually occur when people find themselves in a situation or environment that causes them anxiety may include accelerated heart beat, rapid and shallow breathing (hyperventilating), feeling hot, flushing, stomach upset, diarrhea, trouble swallowing, breaking out in a sweat, nausea, trembling, dizziness, feeling light-headed, as if one were about to faint, and ringing in the ears.

Physical symptoms are rare because most people with agoraphobia avoid situations that they believe will trigger panic,

There may also be a fear that people will notice a panic attack, causing humiliation and embarrassment; fear that during a panic attack their heart might stop, or they won't be able to breathe, and may die; and fear that the sufferer himself/herself is going crazy.

There may be other general symptoms such as low self-confidence and self-esteem; a feeling a loss of control; depression; a feeling of dread and anxiety; thinking that without the help of others the sufferer himself/herself would never be able to function or survive; and a dread of being left alone.

Symptoms may range from mild shyness to never leaving home for fear of a panic attack.

Typical treatments include a range of medications and psychotherapy.

Wouldn't it be nice if the agoraphobic had a simple way of recognizing when the negative thoughts pop up and dealing with the negative thought immediately before all the other symptoms manifest themselves?

That's what Finding Personal Peace offers you – a way to deal with issues at the initial thought level before the onset of physical and psychological symptoms.

Are you agoraphobic or do you know someone who is? Pass the post along and then click here for more information.

God bless,

Are You Addicted? Are You Sure?

I asked the second question in the title because I had always thought of addictions in the very narrow scope of drugs, alcohol, or the like which could radically impair or kill me. My reading tells me that I am addicted because I have other actions that I do almost compulsively to avoid pain or to restore happiness.

Most contemporary resources like psychologytoday.com define addiction thusly: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities. That definition takes the responsibility for addiction away from the individual and puts it on the drug or the pleasurable activity that ensnares us so readily. True, we must first make the decision to try the substance or activity. But its the drug or activity that addicts us.

Why do we seek these pleasurable things?

Ex-addict, William, in his blog, says, “At the root of all addiction is pain.” He goes on, “It is humans who get addicted out of fear of the darkness within, and not drugs that are addictive.”

Dr. Richard Carlson says in “You Can Be Happy, No Matter What” that “a habit is a thought that you have accepted as truth.”

He goes on to say that “Happiness is a positive feeling that exists inside you.” When we lose touch with that positive feeling, we knowingly or unknowingly attempt to get it back. “When you don’t understand the dynamics of your own mind, you innocently attempt to get your positive feeling back through outside sources – which can be the beginning of bad habits.” Carlson uses the words “addictions” and “habits” interchangeably.

When we accept our thoughts as truth and our thoughts are negative, then the truth can become something very frightening or dark as William described it in his blog.

Carlson says, “Some popular substitutes for a contented state of mind are alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, exercise, gambling, sex, and work. A few of the more subtle forms include arguing, proving yourself, and seeking approval.”

So by this very-common-sense definition of addiction, it becomes apparent that many of us have allowed ourselves to become addicts to something in an attempt to restore happiness. In my case, I am addicted to fast food and work.

For your convenience, I've published a partial list of addictions whereby you can decide for yourself if some of your “habits” might in fact be addictions. Click here for the list. Oh, after reviewing the list, I'll have to add chocolate as one of my addictions.

It appears that when we lose our feelings of happiness, which typically happens when we allow ourselves to ruminate more and more on negative things, we begin to search for things to restore that lost happiness or to block the fear or loss. The things that make us feel happy, even for a short period of time, are the things we tend to do again and again until the quest for happiness becomes a habit or addiction.

Some of these habits are simply annoying. Others are disruptive of a productive lifestyle. Others are destructive to ourselves or others; and others have the capacity to become criminal.

Think about this. Instead of masking the unhappiness with a substitute substance or activity, wouldn’t it be better if we could stop the negative thinking that is stealing our unhappiness? Or wouldn't it be nice to deal with the thoughts of the pleasure that precede the addictive act before it's repeated?

That's exactly what we show you how to do in “Finding Personal Peace.” We show you how to restore “peace” or “happiness” by appropriately handing the negative thinking that destroys your happiness.

Did you find yourself on the list? Are there habits/addictions from which you would like to be free? That's entirely possible for you. Take a look at Finding Personal Peace.

God bless,

Are You Angry?

Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what's the best way to handle it? To answer that question, we must first understand what anger really is. Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. It’s defined in the Greek language as the strongest of all passions. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.

Ruminating, or dwelling, on your anger isn't actually helpful. Studies show that, among other things, those who have a tendency to ruminate over situations that have made them angry in their past tend to experience higher blood pressure as a result, putting them at greater risk for organ damage and associated health problems. Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not.

We're always encouraged to talk through our anger. Discussing your anger is a tricky thing. Talking about your anger with a trusted friend can be an effective strategy for dealing with anger -- to a point. It can help you better understand your feelings, brainstorm problem-solving strategies, and strengthen your relationship.

But there's also evidence that repeatedly discussing your anger with your friends can actually make you both feel worse, and increase stress hormones in your blood for both of you. Most of us have been involved in conversations that are basically complaint sessions or downward spirals of negative emotion. We can show you a more effective way.

Anger can make you sick

Like poorly managed stress, anger that isn’t handled in a healthy way can be not only uncomfortable, but even damaging to one's health and personal life.

One study looked at anger problems in husbands and wives. There is evidence that anger problems and depressive symptoms have been linked to all major causes of death, but found that wives specifically found a greater association between anger and symptoms of depression, while men tended to instead experience an association between anger and health problems.

According to another study, those who had less control over their anger tended to heal more slowly from wounds.

Yet another study showed that men with higher rates of hostility not only had poorer pulmonary functioning (breathing problems), but experienced higher rates of decline as they aged.

We don't have room here to mention the social implications of anger: broken relationships, transferring anger to spouse, children and friends; spontaneous acts that can lead to hurting someone and maybe criminal behavior, and much more.

Because poorly managed anger presents such a significant problem in so many areas of life, it's important to take steps toward learning an effective way of dealing with anger.

Every angry episode begins with a single negative thought. ‘Finding Personal Peace’ shows you how to effectively deal with angry thoughts before they escalate to a more painful level.

You really can find personal peace starting today.

God bless,



P.S. Click here to begin your quest to defeat anger in your life.
P.P.S. BTW, you know you can share these posts, don’t you? Even through Facebook and Twitter. Please feel free to share.