Ruts

Grading the Ruts in Your Life

Are you caught in a rut? You don’t have to stay there. 

The phrase, in a rut, means, according to one source, “In a settled or established habit or course of action, especially a boring one. For example, We go to the seashore every summer we're in a rut , or After ten years at the same job she says she's in a rut . This expression alludes to having a wheel stuck in a groove in the road. [Early 1800s]”

I think we all use that expression sometimes – some of us more often than others.

I read about it this morning in the context of living on a farm in the northern states, and finding the ruts to walk to the barn to feed the livestock after a blizzard; and then driving in ruts to try to get around on the farm in a vehicle. It’s a lot easier to move around if someone has gone before you and stomped out some ruts.

I grew up in rural Alabama. We didn't have much snow, but we had an abundance of dirt roads. Over time, with rain and traffic, ruts, often deep ruts, would be cut in the roadway. After a time, the ruts became quite rough on the vehicle and the occupants as they bounced along up and down and from side to side in the ruts. It was easier in some places to drive on the unrutted sections of the road

And please don’t let us meet someone coming from the opposite direction in the same set of ruts; but that’s an aside. The ruts remained until the county sent out the road crew with their grading equipment to re-grade the road surface. Then it was smooth – for a little while.

Life’s Ruts

Have you found yourself in a life rut? Sometimes it’s as simple as living a lifestyle with predictable patterns. I go to our neighborhood McDonald's and sometime a crew member starts ringing up my order as soon I say “Hello.” I’m in that sort of rut.

The other, and more bothersome, rut is the emotional rut where we find ourselves trapped between sidewalls of painful thoughts and bad experiences and we just can’t seem to find our way out.

Or worse, we don’t want to find a way out. It may be painful there, but at least it’s predictable. What is it that people say? “Better the devil you know that the one you don’t.” 

It becomes a matter of “relative” comfort." It’s not very comfortable here in the rut – but it might be far less comfortable out there in the unknown. The sad thing is that our ruts often get deeper with the wear-and-tear of living, and the remembering of painful experiences, and the beating ourselves up with rumination, causing the ruts to get deeper and deeper and deeper.

Excuses

Somebody said, “My therapist had me relive all that pain every week for months; It didn't help.” Somebody else said, “That’s the hand I've been dealt. I just have to live with it.” And someone else joined in, “ I've read all the self-help stuff. My problems are way too complicated.” Blame it on painful approach, fate, or complications; they are all excuses.

Do you need a repair crew to come out and level out your ruts?

Your Own Repair Crew

What if it were possible to deal with the memories of your painful experiences in the privacy of your computer, iPad or smart phone?

What if it were possible to avoid reliving the pain?

What if it were possible to deal with life’s cards without falling back on old excuses?

What if it were possible to handle any life situation, no matter how complicated, by simply managing your negative thoughts one by one?

If all that were possible, do you think you could get out of the emotional ruts in your life? I’m suggesting that it is possible. I helped myself out of the rut of anger. My friend helped herself out of the rut of inferiority.

Finding Personal Peace can show you how to get out of your ruts.

I was reading this morning the story of Jesus walking up to the boat during the storm. You remember it. The sight scared the disciples in the boat half to death. Peter declared that he wanted to walk on the water; and Jesus said, “Come on.”

Peter was doing great until he remembered his circumstances and looked down at his feet instead of looking at Jesus.

The point I took is this. Peter could have kept his seat in the boat and never gotten his feet wet. But he wanted more.

John Ortberg, a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church, wrote a fascinating book entitled, “If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat.” I recommend it to you.

But back to your rut.

• If you want to get out of your rut, you may have to try something you don’t understand.
• You may have to be willing to be uncomfortable until you realize that it’s working for you.
• You may have to admit that you’re in a rut.
• You may have to admit that you can’t get out of the rut by yourself.

But if you can deal with stepping out of your comfort zone and admitting that life as you know it is a rut, you can experience personal peace like you never dreamed possible. You can start today.

Here’s to getting out of your rut today!

www.findingpersonalpeace.com Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

What will You Give Up for Lent?

Peace is the Promise of Lent

Making change usually means giving up the old and taking on the new. 

I grew up in a non-liturgical church which didn't celebrate Lent. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I was part of a congregation that celebrates Lent. So I had a lot to learn.

Lent is a forty-day liturgical season that initiates the most sacred part of the Christian year.  Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and concludes Easter. Sundays aren't counted for some reason.

The word Lent actually comes from the Old English lencten, which means "lengthen."  It refers to the lengthening of the daylight hours that occurs in the northern hemisphere as spring approaches.  It is in this period of transition from late winter to early spring that the season of Lent falls.

Forty is a number that has a lot of Biblical significance.

It rained for 40 days. Moses was on the mountain for 40 days receiving the Ten Commandments. Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. Elijah went 40 days into the wilderness. The people of Nineveh fasted and mourned for 40 days in response to the preaching of Jonah. Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days after which he as tempted by Satan. Jesus was among his disciples for 40 days after the resurrection before He ascended into heaven. So it seems logical that Lent lasts 40 days.

Why practice Lent? 

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, “the purpose of Lent is to provide that purification by weaning men from sin and selfishness through self-denial and prayer, by creating in them the desire to do God’s will and to make His kingdom come by making it come first of all in their hearts.”

What does this mean to us? 

Looking at the concept of Lent from a secular perspective, it’s a time when we give something up; a time when we make sacrifice.

Maybe we give up some of our comfort zone. Maybe we give up beliefs and thoughts that are dear to us. Maybe we give up habits that have the capacity to hurt us and hold us back from where we might be otherwise.

Comfort zone 

That’s a subjective term. Your comfort zone might be horrendous to someone else because you may have gotten comfortable in an atmosphere of pain and negativity that you know than you might be in the unknown of the alternatives. So we say, “I’ll just deal with it,” and continue trudging through our lives.

Beliefs and Thoughts 

Again, the impact of beliefs and thoughts is subjective. It’s true that you were hurt. And the recurring thoughts that you have represent something that truly happened. And you may take some satisfaction in the vengeance you deal out every time you think about those painful things.

Habits 

We get comfortable where we are and reconcile that this is the hand we were dealt and we’ll just play it. Maybe I eat too much. It doesn't hurt anybody but me. Maybe I languish in a menial job. It’s my life. I’m not hurting anybody else. I speak my mind. Don’t I have the right to do that?

Giving up for Lent 

Think about giving up your painful comfort zone and spending your 40 days seeking a peaceful lifestyle.

Why not give up debilitating thoughts in favor of personal peace?

Why not give up habits that hold you back and offend others and take up new habits?

You can do all that and more if you’ll let the course, Finding Personal Peace, show you how.

Why not give up emotional pain for Lent?

Why not give up negative thinking for Lent?

Why not give up old habits for Lent? Forty days later, you might not recognize yourself.

God bless,

www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - Faith Hope Love

The absolute key to successful relationships – Faith, Hope, Love

Somebody said, “That sounds a lot like the Bible.” In fact, it is from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13:13 - "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

 Even if you’re one who does not accept the Bible literally, you must admit that there is some compelling logic in these words for anybody who pursues good relationships.

Faith - confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability; not necessarily based on proof. In any relationship, you must have faith (believe) in this relationship with your partner; your spouse; your friend; your child; your parent. Believe that great things can happen because you two are together. Believe that things will work out. Believe that you will find what you’re looking for together. It’s faith that allows you to set high expectations for the relationship. It’s a heartfelt belief.

Hope - the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hope is what gets you up and out each day – you have the feeling that it’s all going to work out. Hope, coupled with faith, will carry you over the rough spots and through the deep water to a secure footing on the other side. Hope tells you things will get better. Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love is the glue of the relationship. Love is the force that compels you to defend your relationship and the individual against all attackers.

I'm still reading World War II non-fiction. I learned over the weekend that probably the most common basis for awarding the Medal of Honor (our highest ranking medal for valor) to Marines in the Pacific battles was throwing one's body on a live grenade to protect his comrades.

Are you willing to take a grenade for your spouse? Your child? Your friend? If you are, it’s the love you have for them that always puts their needs before your own.

The verse describes love as the most durable of the three characteristics. It’s love that is the driving energy in the relationship when your faith gets buffeted by circumstances. It’s love that makes you keep looking for the peaks when hope has deserted you in the dark valleys. It’s love that sustains you when attacks from either from your partner or others.

It’s a one-way street 

Faith, hope, and love in the context here are outgoing features. They describe you; not your partner. In the 100% - 100% ratio that we talked about in an earlier post, you’re responsible for all the faith, hope, and love in your relationship. That’s all you have any control over. If you partner carries their 100% well, then you have an incredibly strong relationship.

If you struggle with your faith, your hope, and your love in any relationship, take a look at the thoughts that weigh heavily on your attitudes. You don’t have to let yourself be drawn by doubts, low expectations, and low esteem for your partner. You get to decide whether the relationship is strong enough. You get to take control of any negative thinking that you have. You get to choose whether you will listen to negativity of whether you will be true to faith, hope, and love.

If you have trouble with that choice, Finding Personal Peace can help you.

To an awesome relationship,
 
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="160"] Are You Making Good Decisions?[/caption]

Life is filled with decisions. Maybe dozens if not scores of them every day. Some decisions are relatively insignificant – Do I want to turn the ceiling fan on? Others may introduce serious problems – Do I want to go to work today? Others may be deadly – I’ll have just one more beer before driving home.

Three criteria of a good decision

Onlinesuccesscentre.com defines three characteristics of a good decision:

“First, a decision is whole and sound when we've done the homework and understand what is involved. We've talked with, or at least thought about, others who deserve to be considered. Finally, before we act, we have reflected on what really matters. We have covered the bases.” Seeking wise counsel may be part of the necessary homework before an important decision.

“Second, decisions made with integrity are coherent in that the reasons we give for our decision actually align with the decision itself. Coherence is not accidental. We create it. When we deliberately integrate our beliefs and actions, we walk our talk.”

“Finally, good decisions are transparent. Accountability and trust rest on openness and honesty. When we speak directly and candidly to others about our decision and its impact, we become accountable for our choice. Integrity requires telling the truth, including the hard parts.”

Clear thinking vs. distracted thinking

All three criteria require clear thinking. Decisions may not always be right, but making the decision in an atmosphere of clear thinking greatly increases the likelihood of a good, effective decision.

Unfortunately, many important decisions are made under a cloud of emotions or distractions.

Negative thinking

I've said a lot in my posts about negative thinking. We simply do not have the capacity to make a good decision when we are stressed out emotionally.

An area pastor recently murdered his wife and attempted to kill his daughter before attempting to take his own life. I don’t know his circumstances but I’m sure that his emotions were in an uproar when he decided to pick up that gun.

When we’re strung out emotionally, we tend to make snap judgments just to relieve the pain or stress.

Hyper-emotions

It can also be risky to make decisions when our emotions are hyper-elated. How many cars are bought from the smell and feel of the test drive without considering the monthly payments, not to mention the insurance?

How many lives are irrevocably changed in the height of passion when it’s virtually impossible to make a rational decision?

Life doesn’t have to be that way

Fortunately, we can create a clear-thinking environment by taking control of our distracted thinking. One of the lessons in Finding Personal Peace is about making good decisions.

Good decisions can become routine; not a shot in the dark.

Regards,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!