Relationships - Faith Hope Love

The absolute key to successful relationships – Faith, Hope, Love

Somebody said, “That sounds a lot like the Bible.” In fact, it is from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13:13 - "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

 Even if you’re one who does not accept the Bible literally, you must admit that there is some compelling logic in these words for anybody who pursues good relationships.

Faith - confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability; not necessarily based on proof. In any relationship, you must have faith (believe) in this relationship with your partner; your spouse; your friend; your child; your parent. Believe that great things can happen because you two are together. Believe that things will work out. Believe that you will find what you’re looking for together. It’s faith that allows you to set high expectations for the relationship. It’s a heartfelt belief.

Hope - the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hope is what gets you up and out each day – you have the feeling that it’s all going to work out. Hope, coupled with faith, will carry you over the rough spots and through the deep water to a secure footing on the other side. Hope tells you things will get better. Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Love is the glue of the relationship. Love is the force that compels you to defend your relationship and the individual against all attackers.

I'm still reading World War II non-fiction. I learned over the weekend that probably the most common basis for awarding the Medal of Honor (our highest ranking medal for valor) to Marines in the Pacific battles was throwing one's body on a live grenade to protect his comrades.

Are you willing to take a grenade for your spouse? Your child? Your friend? If you are, it’s the love you have for them that always puts their needs before your own.

The verse describes love as the most durable of the three characteristics. It’s love that is the driving energy in the relationship when your faith gets buffeted by circumstances. It’s love that makes you keep looking for the peaks when hope has deserted you in the dark valleys. It’s love that sustains you when attacks from either from your partner or others.

It’s a one-way street 

Faith, hope, and love in the context here are outgoing features. They describe you; not your partner. In the 100% - 100% ratio that we talked about in an earlier post, you’re responsible for all the faith, hope, and love in your relationship. That’s all you have any control over. If you partner carries their 100% well, then you have an incredibly strong relationship.

If you struggle with your faith, your hope, and your love in any relationship, take a look at the thoughts that weigh heavily on your attitudes. You don’t have to let yourself be drawn by doubts, low expectations, and low esteem for your partner. You get to decide whether the relationship is strong enough. You get to take control of any negative thinking that you have. You get to choose whether you will listen to negativity of whether you will be true to faith, hope, and love.

If you have trouble with that choice, Finding Personal Peace can help you.

To an awesome relationship,
 
www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I've said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - Reach Out and Touch Someone

An essential component of most good relationships is touching.

Touching is Essential

Relationships seem to follow a fairly consistent developmental course from the initial contact to the height of the relationship.

Personal space

Touching may be restricted by the social norms. In North America, we have developed comfort zones around us. Intimate space is limited to about 18 inches. From there to about 4 feet is personal space. There is a social-communicative space of 4 to 12 feet and a public space from 12 feet to the horizon. We can feel uncomfortable if a stranger enters our personal space or a mere acquaintance enters our intimate space. Of course, this varies according to culture.

A friend lived in China for awhile. She told me of taking a bus and being so crowded that at one point she was so pressed about by people that her feet wouldn’t touch the floor. This went on for some distance.  In that culture both adults and teenagers of all ages think nothing of pushing up against you when asking questions or standing beside you. This would be unheard of in most Western cultures.

Touching

Non-verbal communication, especially the body language associated with touching and cuddling can provide a lot of information regarding the seriousness of a relationship. There seems to be a need for touch that many people are lacking. Touching each other on a regular basis, even if it is only a passing touch, seem to lead to a deeper, more lasting relationship, while those are reluctant seem to be less interested in the future development of the relationship and less interested in developing a deeper intimacy with their partner.

It’s possible that you can one predict how committed your partner is by the amount of touching and intimate cuddling that goes on. Does a decrease in touching signify that there is a problem with the relationship?

I grew up in a family of non-huggers. I honestly cannot remember even one hug between myself and any of my brothers and sisters. My son has married into a family of huggers. To watch the joy and interaction in that family compared to my experience leaves me disappointed. The plus is that his extended family has extended their loving hugs to include us. We like that very much.

In most cultures today, people who do not know each other do not seek to touch each other. In fact, even eye contact with strangers can be uncomfortable for some. This is obvious when you are traveling on public transport or looking at someone across a crowded room that you do not know. As much as you may want to look at someone to “check them out”, it is an uncomfortable feeling if you get caught!

However, as soon as an introduction occurs and two strangers formally meet for the first time, the initial action that usually occurs is a handshake. This may occur with a third party or when you introduce yourself to another person for the first time. Without any conscious thought, this is an initial step in meeting another human of the same sex or different sex.

If mutual interest is there, the couple then moves on to the second stage where they begin to show their interest in interacting and their hidden aspects of likes and dislikes. This leads to the next stage where they continue to expose more of their hidden self.

As a couple moves through the various stages of the relationship, the amount of touching increases. Eventually, a type of private culture begins between the two partners. Each learns more about the other’s thoughts, feelings, and inner personality traits that have not been observed up to this point. Touching reaches a peak, as the couple cannot get enough of each other.

Next we have a period during which couples slow down to take a more realistic look at their relationship, its problems, and whether to stay together for the long haul. If a decision is made to stay together, then the couple moves on to the final stage, commitment.

During the stage of commitment and the ongoing process of staying committed, the amount of touching will say a lot about the closeness of the couple. Apparently, if the amount of touching occurs in the euphoria stage continues into the commitment stage, it is a good sign of a healthy relationship.

A mother lamented that she could not love her seven-year old daughter who was the product of a very abusive relationship that ended before the child was born. She simply did not feel any affection toward the girl because of bad memories of the girl’s father. The story is complicated by the birth of a second daughter from a loving relationship who means everything to the mother.

The advice given is to make a conscious, consistent effort for as long as it takes to touch, hug, hold and cuddle the older daughter. Human nature being what it is, the child will almost invariably respond to the touching.

So what about you?

Do you find yourself drawing back from touching? Do you know why? Are there thoughts that crowd your mind that make touching uncomfortable for you?

The objective of Finding Personal Peace is to help you deal with repetitive thoughts that hurt you. If you can’t touch someone you love, there might be a way to overcome that. The rewards to the relationship are worth the effort.

Go for it!

Remember that the couple that cuddles together usually stays together!

www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Dr. Phil on Relationships

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="250"] Relationships - What's Your Score?[/caption]

I found Dr Phil’s Relationship Health Profile Test very interesting. I’d like to share that with you (Click here). Try that now before you continue.

So now you know where you stand in your relationships, according to Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil has a beautiful post about relationships (Click here). There’s no way I could say it better than he.

Summarizing Dr. Phil

• Own your own relationship – Be accountable for your relationship. Don’t be a victim.


• Accept the risk of vulnerability – Put yourself on the line.


• Accept your partner – Don’t try to change them.


• Focus on friendship – let the friendship grow and bask in the memories of how it develops.


• Promote your partner's self-esteem – provide a more nurturing atmosphere that appeals to your partner.


• Aim your frustrations in the right direction – look at yourself first.


• Be up front and forthright – express yourself with maturity and responsibility


• Make yourself happy instead of right Decide that being happy is better than being right.


• Allow your relationship to transcend turmoil – limit disagreements.


• Put motion into your emotion – be proactive.

As you consider Dr Phil’s 10 factors of a good relationship, you’re probably going to react negatively to one or more.

Don’t let negative emotions wreck your relationships and your happiness. Decide which is more important to you: giving space for your negativity or a loving growing relationship. You probably can’t have both because relationships tend to be smothered by negativity.

Only you can assign a value to a relationship to you. Just know that the value is limited by your weakest emotional link. You can’t expect a relationship to be superior to your negative emotions.

You can enhance your personal values by bringing the negativity under your control. Don’t let your emotions destroy another relationship!

God bless



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships - Back From the Brink

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="237"] Are Your Relationships at the Brink?[/caption]

Many relationships are in trouble for many reasons.

The only person you have the authority or ability to change is yourself. So I want to direct attention to your relationships from your perspective. Maybe you will see yourself in this methaphorical mirror.

First Corinthians Chapter 13

If you are religious, this passage, called the Love Chapter, has great meaning to you. If you’re not religious, you can’t ignore some of the truths herein. They just make sense, especially when applied to relationships. For simplicity, lets assume that you love the ones with whom you share relationships and we’ll use the word ‘Love’ throughout.

Verse 4 – Love is patient

Are you patient in your relationships or do you expect everyone to move at the speed you dictate.

Verse 4 – Love is kind

A relationship cannot thrive if you are not kind in word, deed, and attitude. If you’re unkind, don’t expect people to respond positively to you.

Verse 4 – Love is not jealous

Trust is basic to a relationship. If you are jealous, then you’re not trusting your partner as you should.

Verse 4 – Love is not boastful

It is hard for people to enjoy a relationship with you if you constantly boast of your attributes or possessions or anything else.

Verse 4 – Love is not proud

If your vanity (pride) overshadows everyone else, don’t expect a warm, loving response from them.

Verse 5 – Love is not rude

We often joke or tease in an unseemly way. It’s rude, but we try to laugh it off. Sometimes we’re patently rude. It’s hard to be in a relationship with a rude person. Even rudeness to a third party makes everyone uncomfortable, except maybe you.

Verse 5 – Love does not demand its own way

Relationships and selfishness do not coexist. This may also include giving your loved one the space they need.

Verse 5 – Love is not irritable

Don’t expect to be a good relationship if you’re crabby and mean-spirited.

Verse 5 – Love does not keep a record of being wronged

No one wants to be around you if you keep reminding them how they wronged you. I bet you know people who remember wrongs for years – are you guilty? Practice a little forgiveness.

Verse 6 – Love does not rejoice about injustice

When you enjoy or even gossip about the pain of others, it makes everyone uncomfortable.

Verse 6 – Love rejoices in the truth

Don't let lying or deceit be part of your relationship. The truth, given lovingly, will ultimately strengthen the relationship. NOTE: See my comment on verse 1 below before you rush out with the truth. Don't use the truth as a club.

Verse 7 - Love never gives up

Stand by your friends through thick and thin, good and bad. Don’t give up on them.

Verse 7 – Love never loses faith

Believe that the best will come to the relationship even in hard times.

Verse 7 – Love is hopeful

Expect the most positive outcome for your friends, even at times when they may be acting wrongly toward you.

Verse 7 – Love never gives up

Always be there for your relationships. Even in estrangement, keep up your end of the relationship, whatever the circumstances.

A comment on Verse 1

Someone very wise said, "Being right is not always being loving." Sometimes your friends need a kind ear to listen to them instead of criticism or unsolicited advice or even the truth. You risk becoming like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal if you don’t take time to listen.

Negative thoughts

Notice how you react to my challenges here. Apply the challenges to your most important relationship. If you find your thoughts leading you in another direction – justifying yourself or denying relevance – then you may be causing the stress in your relationships.

You can bring that negative thinking into submission. I know – I’ve done it.

God bless,



www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends. There are buttons below for Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites; and (3) sign up for an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for subsequent posts. Thanks again!